Thursday, September 24, 2015

post surgery checkup

I'm discouraged as fuck.  My vision is not getting better and even seems worse than last time.  I'm writing this while waiting for my eye to dilate before I see the doctor.   So thanks for coming along to this appointment with me and virtually holding my hand.  :)

They have a soap opera on in the waiting room. How do people watch this drivel?  It's all negativity and deception.  Can't they fkn put on a comedy channel or just music ffs? I might be a teensy bit stressed. 

I started to compile my list of questions and realized I have only one.  When will I see again?  Everything else is meaningless.  Holy fuck, I'm trying so hard not to cry.  Or vomit.  Fkn stress isn't good for me.  I wonder if it worked in my favor that I had a migraine yesterday and might still have some sumatriptan coursing through my blood keeping today's stress migraine at bay.

Every nurse I've spoken to here defers my vision question to the doctor.  Wtf, it's not like I'm gonna hold them to anything.  I'm just curious what other patients have experienced.  Now, I'm wondering if they don't wanna be the bearer of bad news.


And the doctor says see you again in three weeks.  He didn't seem discouraged, although why would he be, his eyes work.  He said my vision may take weeks or months to come back, if it comes back at all.  He showed me the photos again of my retina, which does look way better.  He seems inordinately proud of that.  Great, but I don't care how sexy my fkn retina is, I want to be able to SEE!!!

I made my follow-up appointment with one of his partners who has a better bedside manner.  Plus, I'd like another professional opinion.  She did my original retinal tear repair surgery four years ago and knows her shit, even if she stopped performing surgeries.

I'm allowed to go back to full physical activity, so that's a bonus.  Except I have no depth perception and already have dark bruises on me from bumping into machines and weights at the gym the other day.

Looking on the bright side, I haven't cried or puked yet.  Yay!  It's the little things.  ;)