Monday, September 24, 2001

monday, september 24, 2001

my first day of new class.  I'm still not sure if I like my instructor or not.  I'm reserving judgment.  Some of the students also leave something to be desired.  I'm quite the Negative Nancy today, huh?  it must be the migraine I've had for days now.

Tuesday, September 18, 2001

tuesday, september 18, 2001

don't everyday activities feel trivial?
I'm constantly adding new sites to those mentioned below, such as charities, tributes, etc.

Monday, September 17, 2001

monday, september 17, 2001

I haven't felt like posting these past few days. I haven't really felt like doing much of anything these past few days. I have always been the "sensitive" one in my family. Lately, it's all been too much for me. And then, I feel guilty about being sad because I didn't personally know anyone who died in these attacks. But, I have been watching and reading about all of their stories. And, I've been crying along with them all.

It seems that the U.S. is in a chess game for our lives. Every move we make right now has to be thought out to the end of the game. And, there doesn't appear to be any right answers.

To me, the most obvious answer is to help them to help themselves, but...

If we help the Afghani rebels overthrow Usama bin Laden and the Taliban, then are we back to where we were 20 years ago when we helped bin Laden do the same to the Russians? Did we just piss off or mortally offend some other extremist in the process?

Saturday, September 15, 2001

saturday, september 15, 2001

We Evacuate

Mary Marsicano

September 11, 2001

Both towers? Yeah? Both,
No two planes, I said two planes.
Accident? No fuckin' way,
two at once, impossible.

They got what? Oh Jesus!
Are you sure? The Pentagon?
Joe, hey, Joe, they got the Pentagon

What? What? I asked him? Who?
Two planes, he said, one right after the other?
What? I asked again, unable to comprehend
To admit what I feared I had comprehended

Two planes slammed into the two towers,
One into the Pentagon, one down near
Camp David. Hijacked, and
there's more not accounted for.

More? More?
More hijacked planes he said.
Whose planes, our planes? Military planes?
Commercial, commercial, outta Boston,
Boston? Oh my God, Boston? Dave's in
Boston, his home office is here. What if?
What if? What if? Oh, God, A phone,

I need a phone, I dropped my cigarette
Long forgotten anyway. Phones in Jury
waiting room. Yes, there are many phones.
Elevator, hurry,

Floor one, two, three, four, five, six
Oh god let me get to eleven. Please,
Get me to a phone. My baby, my son
My baby Dave, Do I know where
my children are?

First phone dead, dial tone on second phone.
but no connection. Third phone busy
Fourth phone won't react to credit card
Next try, busy signal. Fifth phone busy signal
No more phones, Try them all again, can't connect.
Need to hear my son's voice. Need to hear it..

Everyone turn in your stubs and you're excused.
You will get credit for today. Call us in the morning
To see if the courts are open. But now, leave.
Leave the building. Leave the building. Call tomorrow
Leave the building. Go home. Go home.

11, stop, 10, 9, stop take on more people,
8, 7, 6, stop, 5, 4, stop, 3, 2, lobby.
People, quiet, moving, quietly moving,
order, no panic, quiet, moving
The street. Where to go? North, go north,
No I said to the women next to me
Do not go into the subways, Fires, smoke
Maybe flooding, maybe bombs.

But how? She cried. How do I get home?
Walk, walk, I said walk. Walk where?
It's so dark, why is it so dark? She sobbed.

North, walk north, Oh, yes. She got it.
Walk north, which way is north?
That way I pointed. She nodded.
Started to walk. People everywhere, quiet,
Some crying, most shaking their heads
I can't believe? I just can't believe they said.

The ground shook, rumbled, growled, louder
Louder, huge. behind me, the building next to me?
Below me? The subway? Bombs?
Where? Louder - so loud. Is this it? Could this be
It? Will I ever see my children again?

My baby Grace? My precious daughters
Nicole's golden smile, Kris' smile? Her beautiful
Golden curly hair which she hates and I love.
Mike's all feeling eyes, Dave's smile?
"Hi, Mom. It's Mike, It's Dave, hi, Mom".

The ground shakes the noise is terrible,
Like thunder, but bigger, longer, louder
Some people scream. Some gasp.
Some swear, the tower implodes
upon itself and everything near to it..

Gone. Gone Gone,
People, gone, Steel and concrete, gone.
Windows gone, desks, file cabinets, computers
Arms, legs, whole bodies, Gone gone gone.

My husband's in there a voice screams
My sister, my brother-in-law, my daughter
my son, my cousin, my neighbor
my wife, my wife, my wife, sobs a man
Ginnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy an anguished cry.

Go north, I said, and I do, I go and I walk
And I look for a phone. I don't really
know where Davy is, my baby Dave.
My sunshine baby.

Take Broadway North. No, someone
Says, Don't take Broadway, it's shut off.

Yes, of course, yes, take Lafayette or Canal
People evacuating the area. I am one of the
People evacuating the area. This is not real
Americans do not evacuate the area.

They flow up the avenues, the cross streets
They come from the south, from the west
Heading east, heading north.
Dazed, quiet, tight lipped, or
mumbling, talking incessantly

Shaking their heads, Pasty white skin
Ties loose, jackets unbuttoned. Some brief cases
Some purses, no purses, people with canes.
Shoe shine man, old bent, pushing his cart
Some walking backwards, mouths gaping open
Looking back, disbelieving even as they see it.
Women and men walking barefoot? Where's their
Shoes? How did they lose their shoes?

With canes, old, bent, young, middle aged
arms around one another.
Fat, thin, babies in slings, mothers
Carrying children too big to carry.

White and pasty faces
Brown ashen faces
Yellow shallow faces
Quiet tears on big men's faces
Shoulders shaking in soundless sobs

Snow man, walks alongside me
covered, grey hair, grey face, grey
Suit, grey brief case, grey all grey
Except for a fringe of coal black
Hair at the base of his neck. Why?
I wonder, why? Oh he was looking up?
Yes, he must have been looking up

Holding hands, crying, quietly crying
Where's Tommy? Did you see Tommy?
No, No No I didn't see Tommy?
Did you see Pat? No, got to call home.
The sun is hot now but people shiver in the cold.

Cell phones, some work most don't
Stunned bodies sitting on curbs
Not talking just sitting, staring.
I didn't see Linda, a women said to
No one. She was right next to me.
Then she was gone. Just gone. She was
Right next to me, I tell you.

I don't really know where David is.
Not for sure I don't really know.
Lines at phone booths long, a half
Block, a block long. Keep walking.
Go north.  Short line, only 10 people,
Tried again. Line busy, busy, busy

Walking North. Many more miles to go.
Hotel, phones in a hotel, go into the
Hotel. Line busy, won't take credit card
Can't call Mike. He could call Dave,
Can't charge a call. Can't call anyone

Use the restroom, Yes, you have many
Miles to go. Two women, say they were
In one of the towers. They are too white,
too quiet, they speak but they are too quiet
Hasn't really hit them yet, I think.

Walk North now, No! Head west, yes
Have to get more west. Closer to home.
Church open, come in, we have water,
We have phones, we have chairs to sit, come in.
Long lines at phones, so I keep walking.

Go west, further, no buses. Keep walking
West North. No that's wrong I am going
North West. No cabs, yes, North West.
No one says west north, for heavens sake

Crowds in TV stores.
Crowds around car radios.
A woman on the street,
Rolling, writhing, hands
Trying to calm her.
screaming, my son, my son

Faces that don't know where
Their loved ones are
Haunted, frightened.
Worse, the faces that have
Just realized that they do know
Where their loved ones were.

A phone, only three people in line
Wait, wait my turn. Everyone patient
Jack, if I get my wife do you want me
To have her call your wife?
Yes, yes I can't get through.

Everyone kind, my turn at last.
Dial, 1-800-He always answers his
own phone. Switch board. Recorded voice
If you know your party's extension?

Oh God, yes, but I don't really,
I mean it's in my purse
What if they cut me off,
I might not get through again

If you need to use our directory
Yes, thank god, yes, press one.
Enter first four letters of the name
Yes, yes, do it carefully, don't make
A mistake, don't get cut off
C A T A Hello? Oh thank God, it's him.

Now I cry, suddenly, unexpectedly,
Now I cry.

He's in Boston, I turn to the man behind me
He's still in Boston. He didn't leave Boston.
Cheers, thank god cry the strangers behind me.
I give the phone to the one behind me
Who still doesn't know the joy of hearing
That so loved voice.

He's so beautiful, he sounds so beautiful.
Now I can walk the rest of the long way
Home. I know where my son is and he's fine.
He's fine. He's just so fine.

Walk west, north west, no, go west. In the village now.
The beautiful West Village. This is My town, I think,
for I can think now of something other than my beautiful son.

How fucking dare they? We give them billions of dollars of aid
Tons and tons and tons of clothes, medicine, medical help, education.
We take their old, their sick, their broken, their homeless, their hopeless,

Right on, Mama, says a voice beside me. I didn't know I was
Speaking aloud. Right on, Mama.
Tears are running down his face.

North. 6th Ave. check for buses. No buses,
No cabs. 7th Avenue, Good, getting closer.
Big crowd, why? What? Oh, St. Vincent's hospital
Blood donors needed someone shouts.

Yes, I can, yes, of course. Where? There?
Rh negative I answer. Good, go to head of the line.
Have you eaten? I don't remember, did I?
Here take a banana. Yes, thank you.
Line very long, too long, please we need
0 positive and 0 negative, first?

Police, sirens screaming, firemen,
Rabbis, Priests, Ministers, nurses, Doctors
all running to the nearest officer behind the
barricade around the emergency room entrance
All trying to help. I'm a doctor, where do you
want me. I'm a rabbi a young woman identified herself,
Thank God the cop cries, come with me.

Ghost chairs, I see ghost chairs, dozens of chairs
covered with white sheets waiting for the red, life blood
Yellow bananas orange juice, white chairs, red, red blood.
Am I 0 ? Don't remember, not sure.

Give those who know my space, they are crucial
I'll go to another location I say. Good, oh thank you.
Yes, please do that. I leave, feeling guilty that
I ate the banana and didn't donate.

Head west now, No, now go North. Well
Maybe 8th Avenue and then North?
Still so many people, coming in droves,
from the south, from the southwest.
From hell.

I pass NYU, students in one another's arms
Crying, frightened, what world will be left for them?
What world will there be for my little precious Grace Ann?
My beautiful innocent grandbaby.
Surely we can give her better than this?

We continue to evacuate the area. We evacuate
Masses of us, heading North...Torn clothing,
Covered in soot, carrying children too big to carry.
In America, In the United States of America
We evacuate the area.

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

OMG!!!!  How horrible.  My heart and thoughts go out to everyone touched by this travesty.

Monday, September 10, 2001

monday, september 10, 2001

starting to get a migraine.  :-(  supposedly there is a front and a tropical storm moving in.

Sunday, September 9, 2001

Friday, September 7, 2001

friday, september 7, 2001

well, it's been a couple of weeks since I re-formatted my laptop.  I guess it's time again...

Wednesday, September 5, 2001

wednesday, september 5, 2001

I browsed the shelves of Levenger's --- I love that store. I wish they would lower some (or most) of their prices, though.

Sunday, September 2, 2001

sunday, september 2, 2001

lucky for us it's a three day weekend.  Galahad got worse, but I got better.  Good thing since one of us needed to be relatively healthy to take care of the other one.  I didn't mind doing it one bit, but boy was it exhausting.  How do people do this all the time?  How does he take care of me so much when I'm migrainous?

Saturday, September 1, 2001

saturday, september 1, 2001

Still not feeling so good. I woke up at 7am, took an Imitrex, choked on it, and went back to sleep for a while. Galahad seems to be fighting a flu. We tried to run some errands but both of our conditions deteriorated throughout the day. We barely made it up to bed by 6pm. I think I caught his flu. I went to take a vitamin C and choked on it somehow. I've taken hundreds of thousands of pills, easily, in my lifetime. Today, I had trouble two different times. What's wrong with me?

We watched Anime all night while drifting in & out of consciousness.