can't shake the despair

I am stuck in a rut of despair.  I feel like there's nothing to look forward to ever again.  Logically, I keep telling myself this is probably pandemic related.  But I kinda don't feel that affected by it.  My home and my health are secure.  For now. 

Part of me keeps telling myself that my brain is lying to me and making up false stories.  And yet, those stories feel so real and all-encompassing. 

I have been getting daily exercise, sometimes at the gym with my good friend and sometimes alone, walking in nature.  Both of those should be boosting my mood immeasurably.  And yet...

Here I am, sobbing through the park like a loser.  I've been trying not to sniffle loudly so people don't think I'm infected.  Do I start saying to strangers that I'm not sick with covid, I'm only sobbing my eyes out because life is worthless and will never be joyous again?  Neither of the options appeal to me.

can you hear me now??

I spent way too long yesterday on the phone with my mobile phone carrier.  My phone was working fine, except it stopped charging quickly.  I switched out cords and plugs (which I subsequently learned are called wall warts -- dumb name).

I tried rebooting, charging in safe mode, and charging while off.  I tried cleaning the port.  By the time I called them, I had already done all of their level one troubleshooting techniques.  That woman quickly passed me on to level two.  Where I waited on hold over 30 minutes before it disconnected me.  Sigh.

I called back, waited on hold some more, explained my situation again, and finally got to level two tech support.  He asked me to try something and advised me it would disconnect us.  He asked if we could talk on another line.  Who has other lines anymore??  When I said I didn't have one, he said he'd call me right back.  I received a text message from him which stated he'd get back to me momentarily.  An hour later, I was kinda angry.

By the time I called again, a simple "hey it's not charging right anymore" turned into an hours long ordeal.  I may have accidentally let loose on the unfortunate person who answered my call.  I laid out some sweet expletives, before finally asking him to transfer me to level two.  He was super chill about it all, to the point I apologized right before he finally transferred me.  I'm kind of curious if they will be using that call "for training purposes" in the future.

The next level two person asked me to factory reset my phone, which is a HUGE hassle.  I contemplated lying and saying I did, but I was fairly certain they could tell.  It's a bit scary how much they can see what goes on in my phone.  Plus, there was a .3% chance it might work.

Of course it didn't work.  It was a hardware issue.  Duh!

The good news is that this tech support person did indeed call me back.  And my phone is under warranty, so I will be receiving a new one in the mail.  Factory reconditioned.  Cheatsy mofos!  They don't mention that when they talk about warranties.  This fucker tried to explain to me why a factory reconditioned one was better than brand new.  Whatever, they can all go fuck themselves.  I just want my phone to work and to charge properly.

What put the icing on the cake was that I had a migraine the whole day, which was exacerbated by this aggravation.  And I get to reinstall everything on my phone twice.  Once now, and again when the new one arrives.