Thursday, June 30, 2016

Christmas in June!

My mailman delivered a package to me today.  So did UPS.  So did some other courier service.  I have all kinds of stuff to sort through and decide if I'm keeping.  Mostly, I bought vitamins, which I'm keeping.  And some fancy salt.  I also bought some clothes.  I did a virtual fashion show via text to get opinions. 

I think I have new jeans.  I'm still on the fence about the shorts, although the reaction was positive.  I'll try everything on again later when I'm less cranky.  I need to try the jeans on with my boots to check the length.  Everything is super comfy, so now all I need to worry about is fit and fashion.  Fashion seemed to be a win from various opinions.

It all boils down to does my ass look fat in this [insert item here]?  Not many people will answer that both honestly and nicely.  And I feel the need to modify that question to "am I too old to wear this?"  Fuck, I hate when insecurities raise their ugly faces.

Monday, June 27, 2016


I was invited to a party this past weekend by a casual friend from my martial arts school.  Pretty sure she felt sorry for me, but I've known her for years, even though we've never socialized much beyond class.  She lives far as fuck from me, but that wasn't too bad as I don't drink.  And traffic was sparse.  And traveling at close to the speed of light. 

I had no idea she knows so many people.  It was lots of fun and felt like a real club inside.  Strobe lights, LOUD music, and a DJ with the headphones on one ear.  Plus she had all kinds of food, including homemade empanadas by Juan.  I went back for thirds.

I knew only her and my workout partner, but I managed my social anxiety very well.  Maybe not very well, but well enough.  I pulled out my phone only three times the whole night.  And twice was to check the star map (which doesn't work on my new phone, grrrr).  Plus everyone was super nice. 

I woke up the next morning with a hangover.  Fkn migraines.  I didn't stay up too late, and I drank a bottle of water.  Oh well, at least my head felt good during the party.                                          

Friday, June 24, 2016

no happy endings

It was a slow day yesterday at work, so I made an executive decision to play hooky.  I had my new functional phone and could monitor email as necessary.  And then I promptly forgot about my phone for hours at a time.  It was lovely. 

I visited a good friend of mine who has also had a difficult year.  We commiserated and caught up since the last time we'd seen each other, a few months prior.  We talked, laughed, and even teared up a little.  Mostly we laughed. 

Her husband was working nearby and said 'fuck this shit, I'm stressed.'  So we all piled into their car and went for an Asian foot massage.  Which also includes some neck and back.  I was attired all wrong for this activity, but I went with the flow.  I had on my lace-up boots and skinny jeans.  Somehow even my racerback bra was wrong. And of course, my hair was in the way, and Massage Dude had to pull it up, twist it, and clip it.  When he later went to remove the clip, he learned that hair clips and curly hair do not play well together.

It was quite an unusual experience.  No one gets naked, except for your feet.  Everyone is in one big, dark room, spaced abut three feet apart from each other.  And many beefy Chinese men massage according to a schedule.  I kept peeking during my time because it was fascinating.  The masseurs clock-watched like mofos.   Not sure if because of their schedule or because they wanted their day to end.  At one point, I heard applause and wondered what the fuck was going on.   Turned out it was massage noises.  They punch and slap and really take it seriously. 

Some douchebag in a red Porsche parked in front.  In two spaces.  And then worked on his phone the whole time instead of relaxing.  I wanted to go back in and slap him, too.  But I was too relaxed by then.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

do you, uh, phone?

Of course you do, because we're all incapacitated without our phones glued to our hands.  My phone intermittently stopped working, displaying SIM card errors.  So, I got a new SIM card.  That didn't fix it.  They sent technicians out to my cell towers.  Nope.  They flushed the SIM cache (no fkn idea if that's even a thing) by activating my old phone and then my new one again.  Nope.  A reboot would usually fix it, but after a few weeks of troubleshooting, I opted for a new phone.  They did explain to me how my phone is a computer, and 18 months is very old for a computer.  What the actual fuck?

Now, I'm suffering from buyer's remorse.  I like how my old phone did things.  I prefer the placement of buttons on my old phone.  I liked the programs better.  I liked the virtual keyboard better.  I liked the lock screen better.

I'm trying to see the positives of my new phone.  It works, which is a big item in its favor.  :)

Wendy, be grateful that you have a working smartphone, with which to communicate to people.  Heaven forbid if you actually had to interact in person.  :)  

Sunday, June 19, 2016

happy father's day

My present to my Pops is two hours of my time yesterday cleaning 1,639 instances of malware off of his PC.  I have no idea how/why he does this.  I recently cleaned it a couple of months ago.  Yesterday, he decided to install some shit.  Sigh.  Of course he swears he did nothing different.  Fuck those malware creators, preying on old people.

I suppose it keeps me on my toes. 

You know what else keeps me on my toes?  All night migraines.  FUCK.  I guess I'll suck it up and fake it when I see him today.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

life is impermanent

I say that to myself sometimes when I need an attitude adjustment.  Of course, that isn't a magic bullet, so I also do other things.  I connect with people.  I exercise.  I snuggle with my cat.  And I have dining room dance parties when I remember to.  Why do I always forget how awesome they are?

Sometimes I have impromptu car dance parties.  Thank goodness for tinted windows.  :)

I also remind myself that the glass isn't half full or half empty.  It's refillable.  I've been refilling mine this past month (past year?).  I keep thinking that I'm making progress, but then I suddenly drain it, and it's almost empty again.  Today is a good day so far.  My glass is full, so I raise it to toast you.


Tuesday, June 14, 2016

the story of the dragonfly

A woman shared this story with me when I asked about her dragonfly tattoo.  I liked it so much, I'm passing it along.  Enjoy.

Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They all lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions.

Sometimes sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and never be seen again. They knew when this happened, that their friend was dead -- gone forever.

Then one day, that little water beetle felt an irresistible urge to climb up that stem.   However, he was determined that he would not leave forever.   He would come back and tell his friends what he'd found at the top.

When he reached the top and climbed out of the water onto the surface of the lily pad, he was so tired, and the sun felt so warm, that he decided he must take a nap.   As he slept, his body changed.  And when he woke up, he'd turned into a beautiful blue-tailed dragonfly with broad wings and a slender body designed for flying.

So, fly he did!  As he soared, he saw the beauty of a whole new world and a far superior way of life to what he had never known existed.

He remembered his beetle friends and how they were thinking by now he was dead.  He wanted to go back to tell them, and explain to them that he was now more alive than he had ever been before.  His life had expanded rather than ended.

But his new body would not go down into the water.   He could not get back to tell his friends the good news.   Then he understood that their time would come, when they, too, would know what he now knew. So, he raised his wings and flew off into his joyous new life!

-- Author Unknown

Friday, June 10, 2016

loyalty is dead, too

Fuck you, ISP.  I fell for your bait and switch.  Again.  Shame on you, and I got fooled again (old Bush reference for you youngins).  I had no internets for 3 hours yesterday.  To 'upgrade' my service, which I didn't even want.  Mine was fast enough, to be frank.  I wanted a reasonable bill.  In order to lower my bill, I had to sign up for faster.  WTF?  How is that even a thing?

Tech dude calls first (very nice of him) and asks if he can cut off my internet real quick.  Real quick, he says.  I randomly checked in with him every hour or so, in between bouts of cold sweats, and he gives me the bad news that my area isn't even eligible for the faster speed.  So now, he had to reverse everything and switch me back.  Sigh.  Three hours for a big fat FUCK YOU, LOYAL CUSTOMER.

I wake up this morning to a friendly email welcoming me to my new (same) service but with an even HIGHER cost than previously.  WHAT THE FKN FUCK!

I tried calling customer service but found that I couldn't speak coherently without yelling and swearing.  Heavily accented lady put me on indefinite hold, waiting for a supervisor.  I made an executive decision that my time is worth more than that for their fuckup.  I called the ISP Executive Offices.  Like I said, this wasn't my first rodeo.  I've been bait and switched before by them.

That woman was super professional and calmed me the fuck down.  I explained my situation and my anger and hurt feelings.  I also explained that isn't a good way to run a business by pissing off customers and technicians selling promises they can't keep.  Tech dude said this was a common theme.  I hope I didn't get him in trouble, but most likely he'll appreciate my escalation, as I've been where he is and can't yell like a customer for fear of losing my employment.  I'm sure he didn't want to spend three hours yesterday spinning his wheels and pissing me off, outside in a goddamn thunderstorm, no less.

Calm, professional executive will look into this and get back to me.  She also placed a hold on my bill, so I don't have to pay until it's resolved.  I told her a payment was on the way.  I don't begrudge them some money, just not all of it for mediocre service.

Why is everyone so godforsaken greedy?  It angers the peasants, and we will revolt someday.  Did you need to squeeze more money out of me every month to make an even bigger profit?  Did you have to sell me something I didn't even want to try to lure me in?  Just give me a fair price for what I want.  Why is that such a complicated concept?  I'm very loyal once you don't fuck me.  Of course, ISPs know they have all kinds of monopolies, so my choices are slim to none.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

is romance dead?

Because of health issues, I haven't been able to summon the energy to workout in the past few weeks.  Yesterday, I woke up with a purpose and didn't deviate.  It wasn't the best workout ever.  I cut it short before I passed out.  But it was exercise, and it was glorious.  And for a bonus, I laughed and hung out with my workout partner, whom I hadn't seen in weeks.

I stopped at Whole Foods because my brother told me they sold organic liver.  Liar, liar, pants on fire.  I remembered why I haven't shopped there.  Not only didn't they have chicken liver, but when I asked the butcher dude, who was a mumbler, if they had any liver, he said they had cat liver.  I'm a pretty adventurous eater, but I draw the line at knowingly eating cat when I have a plenitude of conventional options.  It turns out he said calf liver, and it was veal at $15/lb.  I put it back when he wasn't looking.

The eggs were more expensive than every other store around.  Everything was more expensive, so I didn't buy much and still overspent.  The smell of hot, delicious BBQ wafted over to me, and I thought of buying some, until I realized it was an open buffet type display, with a minuscule sneeze-guard and tons of people walking by.  I'm not a germaphobe, but that looked so unappetizing.

There was even a young couple leaning against it and making out.  I wanted to tell her, "Honey, you can do better than him if that's the most romantic place he can think of," but I kept my mouth shut to avoid hostile bullets rocketing in my direction.  You never know who's carrying in Florida.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Tank Man

Yesterday was the anniversary of the massacre at Tienanmen Square in 1989.  I remember hearing about it then, of course, and I saw the iconic photo of Tank Man.  But I had no idea the scope of the situation.  I was a self-centered young adult who had never been to China and didn't really know many Chinese people. 

Little did I know I'd travel to that exact spot three years later.  I was with an American tour group (pretty much the only way to get there in those days).  We had been told to bring balloons because the people went apeshit for them.  They did, and not just the kids.  I watched grownups knocking kids aside to play with the balloons.  Something that I had taken for granted at every birthday party since I was a small child.  It made me grasp a little of the chasm between my culture and theirs. 

Anyway, one of my fellow tourists knew how to make balloon animals.  HOLY SHIT!!  We almost started an international incident in Tienanmen Square.  They had cameras mounted everywhere and apparently armed guards all around.  A crowd of amazed, happy people started forming around the three of us.  Because balloon animals, FFS.  We were quickly dispersed by the guards who materialized out of nowhere and escorted immediately back to our bus.  From beginning to end, it took maybe four minutes -- for the crowd to grow from one person until we were back on the bus.  Again, I didn't really understand the gravity of the situation because I was just a self-centered dumbass.

The photo of Tank Man was amazing in and of itself, but the video is incredible.  I don't recall ever having seen it before.  He never even flinched!  Most definitely a Badass Mofo!  No wonder they had armed guards and cameras everywhere, after having such a horrific massacre just three years prior.

There are really awful, graphic photos here of the massacre.  And for anyone who is unfamiliar with the whole story, here it is from Amnesty International.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

raise your hand if you ever get lonely

The rest of you liars put your hands up, too.  :)  Unless someone is looking, then don't.  You'll look even weirder than you are.

Apparently loneliness is the new smoking, according to a recent newspaper article.  [Sitting is the new smoking was so 2014.]

Most of the time I enjoy my own company, but some days it's nice to connect with someone.  And sometimes it's wonderful to get out of my own head.  But, I have high standards and expectations of people I let close to me.  Logically, I know they're too high, but emotionally I let myself get disappointed.  I constantly wait for my brain to override these unrealistic expectations.  Usually it does, but not fast enough for my impatient self.  One day I'll learn how to shorten or eliminate this loop.

Step 1:  Don't be lonely
Step 2:  ??
Step 3:  Profit