exercise my anxiety away

My anxiety is tenacious.  It's not as bad as it was a few days ago, but it's not letting go.  Or maybe it is as bad, and I'm getting used to it.  UGH.

I've tried minerals, calming thoughts, grounding, medicinal alcohol, walks in nature, phoning friends, and even a massage.  Side note:  I'm excited to have found a good massage therapist nearby, who is also affordable.

As soon as I stop doing any of that, the anxiety comes right back.  Today I'm forcing myself to do bodyweight exercises and stretches every time I feel that skin-crawling feeling.  If nothing else, I'll be in better shape for my anxiety episodes.

I've almost completely lost my appetite and have been forcing myself to eat.  Fortunately I'd just gone on a Costco shopping trip last week, so I'm stocked up with all kinds of healthy food.  Of course, none of it feels appetizing, even the chocolate. 

magnesium and rum

Apparently my brain decided to pull some shenanigans on me and amp up my anxiety yesterday.  I had a lovely morning, hanging out with friends.

In the afternoon, once I was home, my skin started crawling with anxiety.  I couldn't figure out why or how to deflect it.  So I took my own advice and took more magnesium.  Then I took a sip of medicinal rum.  About once an hour until the migraine finally hit and swept the anxiety into a maelstrom of pain and existential crisis.

Why am I here?  What good am I doing?  Who even cares?  Why bother?  Ad infinitum.

The migraine meds didn't make a dent in the fucking pain.  I laid awake in a fugue, listening to The Dresden Files on an audio-book, trying to distract myself from how pathetic I was.

When I woke up this morning, the pain and anxiety were both gone and so was all of my energy. 

Today has definitely been a self-care kind of day.  And I even scheduled a new masseuse for later this week.  Go me!