Thursday, July 28, 2016

duck and cover is your friend

I had lunch with my dad yesterday and heard an old-timey story that I hadn't heard previously.  I love when those randomly pop out.  He said back in the 1960s (pre-Wendy), when they were living under constant threat of nuclear annihilation, that he had a camper fully stocked and ready to go at a moment's notice.  He didn't just have a bug-out bag, he had a bug-out truck.  Pretty sure that makes my dad a badass.  Most likely they never would have gotten the chance to go, but when they are teaching Duck and Cover for a bomb attack, a bug-out truck seems smart.

After lunch, I stopped at a park to exercise, enjoy nature, and play Pokemon.  While I was there, I met a woman walking her dog.  She asked if I was playing and found it hilarious that her son now wanted to go everywhere with her.  We conversed a bit, and she said the park was really hopping at night, but I said I was too nervous to walk through the dark by myself.  Then she said how she wouldn't just drop her son off for hours at a time (anywhere, not just at a dark park) because he was too young, and it's dangerous out there.  He's 16.  I think our newfound friendship ended when I said she might be helicoptering. 

Just me or does that seem a bit overprotective?  I know the world has changed a little from when I was a kid, but not really.  We're merely more aware of the monsters everywhere else.  She said his phone has a panic button on it, where it drops a GPS tag and texts out 911 with the touch of a button.  The geek in me wanted to ask more about how that works, but I decided it might come off as creepy.  I'm already a grownup hanging out in parks, playing children's games FFS.  :)

Sunday, July 24, 2016

I'm all better now!

Just goofing.  But my eye is back to normal, thankfully.  Holy fuck, I was worried.  I almost risked going to the doctor.  I hate going to the fucking doctor.  They charge hundreds of dollars for a consultation (after insurance) and then say they don't know what the fuck is going on but probably really expensive surgery might make it better.  Or worse.  But probably better.  But maybe worse.  Good luck and don't forget to pay your bill!

I've done lots of socializing this past week, with people I really like.  Most of them.  It's hard to avoid some people when at a party.  I'm tired of making acceptable small talk.  And pretending to be interested in someone-I-barely-know's cousin's uncle.  Unless they super unique.  And you're a good raconteur.  Both of which are usually false.

Today I plan to speak to no one but Kitten.  And see no one in person.  I'm not complaining, though.  It was nice to be social again.  :)

Friday, July 22, 2016

pity party purpose

First time for everything I suppose.   I finally found a use for a PityParty.  My 'good' eye is swollen and hurting, no idea why.  But the tears from my depression are soothing it.  Yay?

In other news, my one whole minute of crying did not trigger a migraine.  Yay?  (I was scared to cry any longer for fear of a migraine.)

Baby steps.  

It's about to storm outside, so I may be premature in the "no migraine today" hope.

I'm overloaded again with mangoes, so I've started consuming them in smoothies (aka mango lassi), but of course I mixed in greens for health.  It's tasty, but I may be too lazy to keep making them.

Friday, July 15, 2016

stairlift to heaven

My neighbor, Totoro, finally came home from five weeks of hospital and rehab bullshit.  Not that kind of rehab, this was physical therapy.  And because she has really good insurance. 

It was so nice to see her and catch up.  She had her nails painted a pretty shade of pink, which she thought was too pink, but I assured her looked great. 

She also showed me her new stair lift.   And let me try it.   I'm such a bad ride person.  It moved slowly but very unevenly, so it got me a smidge dizzy.   Perhaps the week of migraines affected my vestibular system.  That's what I'll tell myself anyway. 

Knock on whatever superstitious item you can get your hands on, but my head has been better two mornings in a row.  I slept abysmally last night, woke every hour or so with not-quite nightmares, more anxiety-fueled scenarios.  Yay for no nightmares?  :)

Thursday, July 14, 2016

my not-so-secret sorrows

At least on here.  In real life, I hide my sorrows.  Because who really cares?  Not many.  And not for long. 

Hello again, my old nemesis, Migraine.

I thought I bid adieu to my four day migraine.  It missed me, I guess, so it came right back the next day and was fkn unstoppable.  Two injections in a couple days is pretty bad.  Thank the fkn cosmos they work though.  I'm so tired of this.  And not just the matching bruises on each thigh.

I made plans for this weekend, and I already regret that.  Not because I'm an asshole and hate fun, but because I feel like I'll disappoint someone by canceling.  Maybe I'll be fine, she said wistfully.

What kind of life is this?  I'm on the latest and greatest meds for the last 50 years.  I'll try to hang on another year, because allegedly next year is my year.  I'm grateful there are people like Dr. Dodick, trying their hardest to make a difference.  But I am DEEP in my PityParty this morning.  Pushing back those tears so my head doesn't trigger again.  I can't even enjoy a good cry anymore.

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.
   -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sunday, July 10, 2016

I have much to report

I ventured forth on foot yesterday to play Pokemon.  In the heat of the day.  Not my smartest move, but it felt good to exercise and sweat out some of the migraine medications (day three, go fuck yourself, Migraine).  The only other people I saw walking were other Pokemon players.  Two little eight-year-olds on skateboards were very friendly when they zoomed by to get to the Pokestop before me.  I acted nonchalant, but they knew.

Apparently every nerd knows because two other dudes in a truck hollered at me as they drove by.  Some sexist remark you ask?  Nope.  They shouted "Pokemon" like a rebel yell.

I caught a few Pokemon just hanging out on the sidewalk.  No cool screenshots because my augmented reality isn't working.  I also discovered a dead iguana and a dead curly-tailed lizard.  No dead humans though thankfully.

dead curly-tailed lizard

iguana remnants

Saturday, July 9, 2016

gotta catch 'em all

I've been embracing my inner child lately.  And my inner nerd.  I was talking to some young internet friends about how silly their new game is.  I'm not sure what happened, but twenty minutes later, I had Pokémon Go installed on my phone.  

And after a full day of server and app crashing, I got sucked right in.  Yep, I'm a level 2 badass now.  


This reminds me of the time RedBull did a promotional scavenger hunt.  I ended up with cases upon cases of disgusting beverages.  But I had fun tracking them down all over the city.  I even enlisted my friends and family to get more.  

So many posts about how to catch a Pokémon next door without looking creepy.  I felt like a criminal last night.  Slowly driving through dark parking lots.  Then reversing and cruising the next aisle to get closer to my virtual target.  I kept wondering how I would explain myself to a cop if I was spotted doing that and questioned.  This can go wrong in so many ways.  One teen already found a dead body while Pokémon hunting.

I suppose it's a great way to encourage kids to get exercise.  It probably doesn't work for me since I drove to all of mine.  In my defense, I had just exercised for 90 minutes.

I had a full night of shenanigans.  Exercise class, then pizza I don't love with fun friends,  then Apocalypse planning in the parking lot with aforementioned friends.  We also checked out the night sky, trying to see Jupiter behind the moon.  I ducked and covered when I saw 5 uniformed men walking our way.  They were firefighters, but my instincts were correct.  Stay away from the action.

After that, I rushed over to the grocery store before it closed.  It was amazing!  Lots of parking spaces.  Nice empty aisles.  No wait at the cashier, until I fucked up the whole chip and sign process.  Why is every machine different and tricksy?  I apologized to the woman behind me.  She was very relaxed and said she didn't mind.

As I was checking my phone (like you do) before driving home, I looked at my Pokémon app and noticed a swirly blue thing nearby.  I had no idea what it was, but I clicked it because why not.  I got stuff, I think.  And it was fun, with sparkles and sound effects.  I checked the map again and saw another blue thing across the street.  I weighed a quick drive-by against melting groceries and the migraine lurking in the back of my brain.  Swirly blue thing won.  And that's how addictions are created.

I hit three more swirly blue things on my drive home, and caught a few Pokémon.  There was another one so close to my house, but the melting groceries and the pounding migraine won that round.  Barely.

Monday, July 4, 2016

drive-by depression

I jinxed myself.  I was feeling great, and BAM!   Depression did a drive-by on me yesterday.  I probably should have expected it.  Last year was the same.  Fuck the holidays.  Fortunately, I recognized the signs early and aborted that downward-spiraling line of thought.  Only a few tears escaped their corral and leaked down my face.

Tonight, I am looking forward to NASA's Juno spacecraft doing a successful entry into Jupiter's orbit.  Yes, that Jupiter -- the giant planet a gazillion miles away, which is why it took five years to get there.  How cool is that?  Looking up at the cosmos helps me to keep my insignificant problems in perspective. 

(I don't know why the Ns are backwards in this picture.  Don't let it detract from the message.)

Saturday, July 2, 2016


I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling pretty great lately.  I almost hate to admit it and jinx myself.  I noticed that I have more energy for my friends' welfare now.  It's not all about me in survival mode thankfully.  I dislike when I'm selfish and in an emotional hole.

I try to be like a  sympathetic Rumpelstiltskin, spinning darkness into light, sadness into joy, depression into vitality.  Obviously without requiring someone's firstborn because I don't want kids, let alone someone else's.  :P

An energy healer told me my aura was thicker than it had been, from non-existent or razor-thin to five inches.  And it's white, in case that's important.  Apparently, I'm an Angel.  Or on my deathbed.  I guess there's not universal agreement on auras, but most tend to think white is a good thing.  While looking up aura colors, I read about how to detect auras.  But what if one is colorblind?  Does that affect one's ability?  I'm not a big believer in these things, but at this point in my life, I'll take any help and positivity I can get my sticky fingers on.

Why are they sticky you ask?  Because it's mango season!!  Yippee!!!