Thursday, June 7, 2018

madness is creeping in

I've had more migraine days this month than non-migraine days.  But that's not a disability according to Social Security.  I'm still bitter.

Yesterday, I was able to workout at the gym with my friend and have a sushi lunch together.  It was the first time I felt like leaving my house in over a week.  I came home so recharged and refreshed.  I truly needed that.

I forced myself to go for a short walk a few days prior because I'm dumb and thought maybe fresh air and slight exercise might help.  I barely made it home without vomiting or fainting.

I've had many days of lying in bed with an ice-pack, wondering why.

Why bother?

Why me?

Why do I feel so young and fantastic some days and so old and decrepit others?

Why did life go so horribly wrong?

Yes, I know it's random and no deeper meaning, but my mind still yearns for answers.

I've been listening to audio books and am almost through the whole Chronicles of Narnia series.  It's mostly soothing, although I adjust the volume level every few minutes, depending on my AC running, the amount of rain falling, any other outside noise, the placement of the ice-pack on my face, and just general pain and irritation levels.  Plus there's one screechy talking mouse, Reepicheep, whose voice grates on my literal nerves.  My trigeminal starts to attack me when he talks.

I have moments of lucidity when the meds kick in so I can feed the cat and myself, although my appetite hasn't been prodigious except for after the gym.  Mostly I've been surviving on frozen food because standing (or sitting on the floor) at the microwave for four minutes is about all I can endure.

My supplies are running low, and I will have to venture forth soon to replenish them.  I keep telling myself tomorrow I will wake up better.  It's kind of amazing how resilient hope is, even when all of the evidence is to the contrary.

Saturday, May 26, 2018

so much rain

It's been almost two weeks straight of torrential rain, supposedly over 10 inches, with another 4-8 falling this weekend from Subtropical Storm Alberto.  I've had migraine after migraine, although I've caught a break the last 3 days.  Instead of a full-blown migraine, I've only had the prodrome with irrational emotions and excessive fatigue.  I snapped at my sister (sorry again!) and have been sleeping on and off about 10 hours a day, with just enough energy when I'm awake to feed Kitten and sometimes myself.

Washing my hair has become non-essential with my pittance of energy levels, so it looks atrocious, especially because I've been lying down on it.  One day, I'll splurge and buy a silk pillowcase to see if that helps my hair the way people claim.