Getting older or wiser? Maybe both?
It's weird to realize that I'm not as physically strong as I used to be, although maybe I'm mentally stronger. People lament about youth being wasted on the young. But maybe they need that added boost because life is fucking hard sometimes. Imagine starting off life looking and feeling old AND having to learn all of life's tough lessons.
It's weird to look in the mirror and see someone other than who I expect. Nowadays, I try not to be as concerned about how attractive my body is, but rather how functional it is. I'm grateful that it's still very functional, without too much pain.
It's harder to get off the ground, but it's easier to have more compassion for people.
It's harder to see smaller print, but it's easier to lend a solicitous ear.
It's both harder and easier to make friends. Harder because less opportunity and easier because I am more accepting and don't care as much how other people are judging me.
Every time I start to think I've reached some stability, Life comes in and says "Nope!" I guess that's one of the lessons I've learned -- the impermanence of everything. I'm feeling stable now and trying to enjoy it without worrying what's going to fuck it up next.
