Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thursday, September 29, 2005

My hairdresser has forsaken me.  :(  She canceled my appointment a week or so ago because of an alleged foot injury that she just realized she had.  Wtf?  Then when I tried to call to reschedule, she isn't returning any of my calls.  At this point it doesn't even matter, I'm as hideous as the crypt keeper, so why bother with pretty hair. 

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Yesterday, I went out back to ground myself in nature and cheer myself up.  First I stopped at my gorgeous purple orchids that are blooming.   Mmmm, they smell incredible!  Then, I went to say hi to Bertram and see if he dropped any limes.  He didn't, but while I was greeting my green friends, a fkn fire ant stealthed up on me (there were no visible mounds) and wtfbit my big toe.  Thanks Mother Nature.  Kick me when I'm down.

So now I have a basis of reference for comparison.  This atrocity on my chest absolutely itches like a 1000 fiery suns more than a fire ant bite.  Hmmm, what shall I focus on today?  The crick in my neck, the migraine bubbling below the surface (thank you Imitrex!), the Napalm on my chest, or the fire ant bite on my big toe?

I rescued not one but two baby geckos last night in my living room, so perhaps that scored me some karma points with Nature.  Omg, they are the cutest little moppets!  I'm not sure how they got inside, but they would have slowly dehydrated and starved to death if I left them.  I sure did want to keep one though.  :)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I'm a few weeks into my treatment and looking & feeling like a leper.  Omg, it itches so badly!  I want to claw my flesh off.  Luckily (she said facetiously) I have a raging migraine to take my mind off of the itching.  I'm debating going to class tonight.  I don't want to be this vain, but it turns out I might be.  I've already had to explain to several people I work with that I'm too hideous to meet with customers in person currently.  Yeah, that was an enjoyable conversation.

If life doesn't get any better than this, I might be done.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Monday, September 12, 2005

Tonight is my second treatment of Cancer Cream.  I'm scared.  I don't want to wake up bloody tomorrow.  Dunno yet if I'll be vain enough to skip exercise class for a month, but I might.  Maybe it won't be too bad yet.  :(  Deep breaths, calming thoughts.

Oh yeah, and my head fkn hurts.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Since I'm still almost presentable in public, I accepted when I was invited to canoe the Everglades.  I love me some Everglades!  =)  My Sensei has a gazillion people visiting from Germany somehow, so there was a big party of us going, including 2 students who are testing for their black belts.  That's dedication --- flying transatlantic to test for that.

This would be my opportunity to go and NOT have to paddle.  Yay!!  I sat in the middle between Galahad and Uli and quickly learned the German word for spider.  Crikey!  We had tons of them.  /shudder  We drove up to Jupiter and canoed the Loxahatchee River, which I later learned (thank you Google) means river of turtles.  We saw only one gator but tons of turtles as we canoed through this gorgeous Cypress Swamp.  It was completely different from what I expected but so amazing.  It was also much longer than I expected, lasting 6 hours plus 2 hours driving time.  I was exhausted and I paddled maybe only 10 minutes or so.  Yes, I wore a hat and slathered on sunscreen (even though I think it's poisonous).  We stopped at Trapper Nelson's for our picnic lunch, and I chatted up the Park Ranger there.  Holy shit, she lives out there full time.  It must be so incredible and so scary at the same time.  Plus, I'd go bonkers without the Internet.

All of that nature gave me a mind-shattering migraine.  I think I might have been allergic to the vegetation or maybe it was just too much heat for too long.  It turns out I might be sensitive.  :p

Two Imitrex and off to sleep with an ice-pack on my head.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Saturday, September 10, 2005

The silver lining in all of this (yeah yeah besides I'm not gonna die) is that I had to cancel my upcoming work trips since it wouldn't do to show up in front of a customer and look hideous.  It was not fun, however, to explain the situation to people I work with who were expecting me to fly up.  They were sympathetic, but surprisingly I'm pretty private at work.

I picked up my meds from the pharmacy yesterday, and the pharmacist wished me luck with everything.  Naively, I assumed he meant the cancer.  After researching these meds online, it turns out they are used for a variety of disgusting and embarrassing skin afflictions.  I wonder what he thinks I have.

I used them last night for the first time, and my chest is itching like crazy today.  Fortunately it hasn't started to bleed yet.  Yet.  :(

I'm supposed to use it 3 times a week cuz it's that strong, and yes cuz I'm sensitive.  I'm glad everyone recognizes that fact.  =)

I put an aloe (fresh from the backyard) and turmeric poultice on for now.  I'll switch to antibiotic cream & bandages when it starts bleeding, I guess.

Thursday, September 8, 2005

Thursday, September 8, 2005

Yay!!!  I didn't cry!!  Until I got into my car and drove to the pharmacy.  Her new practice is really nice --- marble floors, suede and wood chairs that look like nice dining room furniture and not waiting room furniture at all.  I didn't like the receptionist though.  She's 12 and called everyone sweetie.  Ugh!  It was mostly older women again looking for the Fountain of Youth.  FFS, I want to have the courage to grow old gracefully.  Haha, and not cry at every little setback like this one.  I wonder if these women were idealistic about growing old when they were my age.

Anyway, she was genuinely happy to see me and know that I tracked her down.  She looked at the spot on my chest and confirmed what I knew.  I was terrified that she was going to remove it right then or at least biopsy it.  Instead, she told me about a new cancer cream called Aldara that helps the body create interferon.  She warned me that the treatment was ugly, lengthy, and painful, but that it would heal nicely.  I'm all for minimal scarring, so I agreed.  While I was there, she gave me the once over and I pointed out a few more spots I had that were tiny and iffy.  She also confirmed one that I knew was a problem on my nose but had been in denial over.  It's really small like pinhole-sized, but it's been an issue for over a year.  Also, the one she removed on my forehead 4 years or so back never quite healed perfectly.  She cringed and told me to use the Aldara on my nose and some other cream on my forehead.  She apologized profusely on how it was gonna suck. 

I left with 2 prescriptions and a follow-up appointment in 4 weeks.

I started crying in my car when the reality hit me that I was gonna be bloody and ugly for a minimum of 4 weeks.  I drove to the pharmacy and dropped off my prescriptions.  They didn't carry either cream, so I will have to go back tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

Tuesday, September 6, 2005

It seems my dermatologist left the practice she was in, and I need to track her down.  I guess it's been a while since I've been to see her.  I was trying so hard to "cure" myself from the inside out, but I won't fuck around with this spot.  It's not iffy --- it's real and about half the size of a dime.  Dunno how I missed it before.

FFS at people not telling me where her new practice is.  And, thank you Google for making it easier to find her.   Hallelujah!  She takes my insurance, and I have an appointment in 2 days.  Yikes, I'm scared.  I didn't expect one so soon.

What if she turned more towards cosmetic surgery and less towards medical dermatology?  Last time I went to see her, so many people in the office were getting Botox and collagen treatments.  Welcome to South Florida, land of the vain.  Depending on the day, it was either vain women (okay we all are to some degree) or old people with skin cancer.  Deep breaths.  Trying not to fret.

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Thursday, September 1, 2005

I'm so saddened and sickened by what Mother Nature has wrought upon the Gulf Coast --- and saddened and sickened by what man has done to fellow man.  We're all just 5 meals away from anarchy & chaos.  (I'm more like 2 meals away.) 

I'm sure you've gotten your fill of Katrina horror and blame, so I won't bore you with either.  Let's talk about my fears.  I found a new cancerous spot today on my chest -- kind of near my collarbone.   I'm sure that's what it is, so I'll call my doctor as soon as I get back into town tomorrow.  =(