Thursday, January 30, 2003

Thursday, January 30, 2003

I'm starting to like my hair.  It's not really how I imagined it, but I'm getting used to it.  :)

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

Okay it's done.

I'm a redhead (partially) again.  Whew!  I missed it a lot.  :)   I'm still not sure that the shade is right, but Galahad said he likes it. 

After getting it done, I met up with my family to watch my nephew test for his high-red karate belt.  [Big Congrats to him!!!]  And, of course no one noticed/mentioned anything about my hair.  [Don't forget that our family motto is "It's All About Me."]   I take that as a good sign, I think.  At least it doesn't look too freakish.  One of the karate instructors did go out of his way to help me locate my family when I arrived.  Do you suppose he thought I might not recognize them out of 50-60 people?  ;) 

Now that you are curious to know what I did to it.

I kept the base of 100 colors plus my natural dark brown roots and added lots of bright auburn streaks (plus a few blond highlights to blend) throughout it.  My hairdresser seemed to have fun with it and picked the colors herself.  I guess she gets bored of the same haircuts, styles, & colors all the time. 

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

/scared

One more day until I do my hair more funky colors.  Plus, I can't shake this migraine.  I hope I don't still have it tomorrow.  I know the chemicals from the hair color will aggravate it a lot if I do still have it.  :(   

/excited

I hope my hair looks fabulous tomorrow night -- not so fabulous that I look like a freak but fabulous enough so that it makes me smile when I see people's reactions.  :)   I hope my hairdresser is as brave and innovative as I need her to be.  She sounded hesitant when I first described what I wanted but then got more enthusiastic as I went on. 

/indecisive

What shade of red should I go for?  A burgundy or more of a fiery red?  Or perhaps a pale strawberry blonde?   Ack!!!   

Monday, January 27, 2003

Monday, January 27, 2003

I've been lazy and not written anything for a few days.  Plus, I didn't really have a whole lot to say.  Life is good except for this migraine that hit me.  :(  Last night I tried the Imitrex Nasal spray.  (Thank you to my friends who gave me one to try.)  I have one word for that.  ICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   The drip down the back of my throat was so fucking nasty.  >=(   It did work in about 20 minutes as opposed to the 2 hours a pill takes.  Then this morning, I woke to such pain.  :(   I keep Imitrex tablets by my bedside for such mornings, so I popped one as soon as I was conscious.  After 1 hour, I decided I just couldn't take it anymore, so I stumbled to the bathroom (OMFG that hurt) to take an injection.  I figured this migraine was bad enough that a double dose would be fine.  Laugh, I might as well be the Imitrex Poster Girl.  Where do I apply for that job?  But, I'm shy, so please don't use my photo.  ;)  I slept for another hour and woke up a bit better.  I took 2 Excedrin, and I'm taking it easy for the rest of the day if possible.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

k I did it.   I made the appointment to get my hair done.  I still am somewhat unsure of what exactly I'm gonna do to it.  I think Galahad is more trepidatious (did I just invent a new word?  meaning full of trepidation) about this than me.  He has two worries, the first being how crazy am I gonna get with my hair and the second being how to deal with me if/when I get upset with how it turns out.  :)

I discussed with my hairdresser what I wanted, but since I have so many colors in my hair now, she really needs to see it before she can fully say what she can do.   I told her that instead of doing blonde highlights again, I wanna do red ones.  She thinks that should be possible.  I'll be sure to tell you all about it next week.  No pictures though cuz you know how I am.  ;)

Monday, January 20, 2003

Monday, January 20, 2003

It was nice to have a holiday today.  Thanks, Dr. King!

I left the house this morning fully intending to be home within an hour (90 minutes max) after seeing my chiropractor.  I had plans to clean, do laundry, etc.

I decided to call my friend and stop by and see her for a few minutes.  Wow!  We started chatting and then got into full-blown soul dialogue.  Even though she lives only a few miles from me, we don't seem to coordinate schedules well.  I think most of it is my fault since I like to be reclusive.  Also, she has a hectic schedule with a husband & 2 active teenagers and a business, etc. 

Anyway, I had such a fabulous time with her.  I've known her for about 10 years, and I was able to tell her how much she meant to me finally.  Actually, I don't think I did that great of a job in conveying the magnitude of how much she helped me grow as a woman.  She is a little bit older than me and just taught me so much that I never picked up from my family.  Dunno if that's cuz I was stubborn and wanted to be independent or if the timing was off.  This was about the time my mother was getting really sick before she died.

She helped me through the betrayal of my first heartbreak.  Laugh, I guess a few people helped me through that.  I think that was more painful than anything I have ever gone through in my life.  I have watched other people going through heartbreak, and I think mine hit me worse somehow.  It must be cuz I'm such a highly sensitive person.  lol.  I'm still amazed that I ever tried this whole serious love thing with my Galahad at all.  Gah, that just hurt too much to ever go through again.  I always tell him that he has to outlive me at least by one minute so I never have to feel that pain again.

I actually had to hurry to get home by 6 PM, so we could run back out again to meet my dad & his wife for dinner.  I had a great time there, too.  I was quite the social butterfly today, and I even enjoyed it.  :)

Saturday, January 18, 2003

Saturday, January 18, 2003

I slept for about 10.5 hours I think and then lazed around in bed for another hour.  After that I leisurely showered & washed my hair, and I am ecstatic to report that my curls have returned.  My hair has been so straight all week because of the extreme dryness of conditions.  (You should have seen the sparks that were emanating from my fingers every time I touched something metal.)  Straight hair is fun occasionally, but curls are much more aesthetically enjoyable to me.  Anyway, I have my long, curly locks back again.  :))

Friday, January 17, 2003

Friday, January 17, 2003

What a fun trip I ended up having!  :)

Btw, going through security at the Philadelphia airport was almost as effortless as the Ft Lauderdale airport. 

I was quite delirious by Friday as I constantly got more & more sleep-deprived every night.  While changing planes in Pittsburgh, I called my friend, Maximus, to chat and to laugh --- which we did.  Because the gate at my connecting flight was crowded, I chose to sit on the floor against the moving walkway, literally out in the middle of traffic.  I had my headset on from my cell phone which is essentially covered by my hair.  I'm guessing I looked quite the sight, sitting on the floor, giggling & laughing to myself.  I received several conspiratorial winks & smiles (and maybe some smirks) from passers-by, including a pilot.   Someone else remarked that I was having entirely too much fun at an airport.  ;)  I think people just need to learn how to laugh more.  Mayhap I should give them Maximus' number.  ;)

Little did I know my fun would end soon.
 
Some asshole was sitting behind me on the plane and wildly gesticulating while he spoke to the people in the row next to him.   Every time he thought he made some important point (the boor -- yes I could hear him clearly), he would knock his hand against his tray table thereby knocking my seat.  I would have asked him to stop, but I don't think he had any self-awareness that he was doing it.  I did get to see a beautiful sunset though that made my flight a little more bearable. 

I guess it could have been worse if that asshole had been sitting next to me and tried to talk to me the whole flight.  I did my little passive-aggressive move and reclined as far back as I could to try to lessen his hand movements or at the very least just to piss him off a bit.

My lovely Galahad met me at baggage claim (the days of meeting someone at the gate seem to be long gone) and had sushi waiting for me in the car.  Yay!!!!  :)

Thursday, January 16, 2003

Thursday, January 16, 2003

It was snowing this morning!

Everyone here got quite a sadistic thrill from teasing me that a major blizzard was coming.  :)

Tonight I had my first snowball fight in years.  It turns out it's better to be wearing gloves when scooping up the snow to make a snowball.  ;)

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

I survived my presentation I had to give.  Luckily, I got one of the first slots after lunch when everyone is all mellow. 

I barely got any sleep last.  I was kind of cold even with 2 blankets, wearing long-johns, and the heat on all night.  My hair & skin are all dried out now, too.  Plus I woke up at 4 am missing my Galahad.  :(

We went to some shitty buffet place for dinner (I hate most buffets btw) as a group, so I couldn't opt out because I have to be seen as a team player.  My head started really hurting, so I dosed up with Imitrex, and I feel good now.  I think there must be a front coming through as I heard it might snow tomorrow. 

Sorry for such a boring whisper today, but I'm off to bed in my new snuggly socks that my manager gave me cuz he knew I would be cold.  ;)  I truly hate wearing socks to bed though.  :(

Monday, January 13, 2003

Monday, January 13, 2003

Today's update is coming from 35, 000 feet.  I'm on my way to the bitter cold, and let me tell you it's not so easy to use a laptop in peasant class.  I'm not such a big person, and I'm having to make a HUGE effort not to elbow the woman sleeping next to me.  :)

I allowed extra time today at the airport since I know they made all kinds of changes effective January 1.  I can not believe how effortlessly I breezed through the airport and security.  They have these new giant bomb-sniffing machines that checked bags go through.  I checked my bag at curbside since I assumed there would be a long line inside.  Plus I didn't relish wheeling my bag around anymore.  I was already carrying my laptop, my coat, and my purse.  Within 2 minutes from being dropped off at the curb, I was inside receiving my boarding pass from a self-service electronic kiosk. 

Because I didn't see a seat number on it and because there was again no line at all at the counter, I asked the agent there for a seat.  He told me (when asked) that my flight had been oversold by about 4 seats and to ask at the gate for a seat.  Hehe, I was already mentally preparing my argument of why I would not be the one to get bumped.  I knew logically that wouldn't happen as they frequently get more than enough volunteers.  Also, because I'm a business traveler, they are usually more considerate.

oh goody!  Turbulence

As I was walking away, I heard a dog bark that sounded hauntingly familiar.  It turns out it's the same dog I heard barking this morning while I was getting ready.  I bumped into my neighbors checking in with their very large, very friendly Rottweiler.  It's the same neighbors whose wife/mother recently died of cancer.  I never got a definite confirmation that she did die, just rumors from other neighbors.  I knew she had been sick and since I hadn't seen her lately, I assumed it was true.  Anyway, I had no idea what to say after my initial hello.  I wanted to express my sympathy; however, I wasn't entirely sure it was warranted yet.  Plus, it seemed to me to be more compassionate to not bring that topic up in the middle of an airport between casual acquaintances.  So, I chit-chatted for a minute and then went off to find my gate.

Again, security was incredibly easy & fast.  I walked through miles (well yards anyway) of empty winding temporary barrier-lines (a la Disneyworld) to get to the security gate.  Again, there was no one in front of me.  I waltzed right through and didn't get searched.  Yay!!  I hate that added indignity of getting felt up in front of strangers.  Okay, sometimes I like it but not usually when I'm in a hurry.  ;)

Who knew I didn't need to hurry in the slightest?  I sauntered towards my gate which was still not even open because I was more than one hour early.  Fuck, how did that ever happen?!?!?  So, I was off to the pizza place to get food as I was starting to get jittery. 

Finally!!!!  There was my mile long line that I had anxiously anticipated.  I watched a captain argue with the minimum-wage worker about how he was buying a whole pizza, so he should be charged for one @ $12.49 instead of 6 slices @ $2.50 each.  This would be why I had allowed the extra time today.  :)  It was quite a long battle.  I wasn't sure who would win based on attrition.  A manager was called over, and the worker & manager argued in Creole about the price.  The worker kept repeating to the captain that it was the same amount of money either way.  And when it was finally rung up, the captain just meekly paid it and realized it was time to concede.  Who really wants to argue with someone who barely speaks the same language and doesn't understand the concept of volume discount?

I walked back to the gate where they still didn't have a seat for me; however, they did reassure me that I wouldn't be bumped.  And, there was my neighbor again.  He was on my flight to Pittsburgh where we both were changing planes to different destinations.  I took my pizza and went in search of a quiet place to eat.

I did in fact get on my flight (said hi again to my neighbors as I passed them in my trek through first class into my peasant seat) and proceeded to question someone who didn't know the difference between seat A and seat E.  Sigh.

I called my Galahad from my cell phone before takeoff to squeeze in that last "I love you" and to tell him about our neighbors.  He agreed that I did the right thing by not bringing up anything deep.  I also left Maximus a voicemail saying hello and let him listen to me bored & rambling on an airplane.  Hehe, I love talking to voicemail sometimes.

So here I sit, contemplating my tiny packet of airline pretzels and wishing I had been brave enough to bring my new book with me.  It just seemed too much like asking for trouble though --- reading a book entitled The Highly Sensitive Person while surrounded  by zillions of strangers just waiting to fuck with me.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

Saturday, January 11, 2003

sigh, why do I always have such high expectations of everything?  I know logically that most things/people can not live up to them, which just leads to my inevitable disappointment.  Yet, I can't seem to stop myself.  That is one trait that I have been working on for years in me.  I'm thinking it might be here to stay; but I'm stubborn, so I'll keep trying.  ;)

Well, it turns out that my new book (see below) does not have all the answers for me as of one third of the way through.  Everything that the author has recommended is stuff I'm doing already.  My Galahad tried to put a positive spin on it for me (cuz he knows I like that kind of shit) by saying at least it reinforces me in knowing I'm doing the right stuff for me.  Well, I suppose it does.  But, I was hoping for more concrete assistance than that. 

I guess it did help in one aspect that since the author is also highly sensitive, she makes it sound kind of an elite trait to have (even though she says she isn't saying that.)  So now, I feel special in an elite way instead of a short school bus way.  :)

Thursday, January 9, 2003

Thursday, January 9, 2003

Yay!  I was able to borrow a coat yesterday from my brother's GF.  Thanks so much, Alex!  :)

And, surprise surprise, she gave me a birthday present, too!  Yay!  Before you flood me with email wishing me well on my birthday, I must confess that I am not within any loose boundary of it being my birthday.  But I still love getting birthday presents, especially when the person took the time to think of me.  :)

Actually, I hate getting presents most times because people put little thought into them, and I have so much stuff already that there isn't anything I need or desire.  The best presents for me btw are consumable items like food, candles (and not the cheap ones either -- I hate those), and books (if you know my tastes).  I hate getting clothes (they don't fit), perfume (I won't wear it), jewelry (I won't wear it), etc.

Anyway, back to my fabulous & well thought out present.

She got me a book (kinda self-helpish which I don't usually like) entitled The Highly Sensitive Person.  The title just blew me away.  Here I was on the cover.  I'm kind of curious as to when she thought of this for me --- if it was one key incident that precipitated the purchase.  She said she read it and it fit me, so I am embarking on a journey to see if I will find answers to some of my lifetime questions.

What questions you might ask? 

How do I tell a friend I would rather be alone than in their company without upsetting them?  How do I not invite people to my house without them feeling unwanted and have them understand it's my Hall of Solitude that I need?  How do I explain to people that I cry often, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they did something horrible to me?  How do I explain to people that when I hear of someone else's pain, I feel that pain, too?  How can I tell someone that I relish tiny things and get great happiness out of some everyday occurrences without sounding like a lunatic?  How do I even start to explain how many things are running in my mind, letting my brain sift through them all concurrently?

Usually, I just go with the short school bus explanation and realize people just won't understand that I am wired differently.

Wednesday, January 8, 2003

Wednesday, January 8, 2003

Omfg, I'm so cold here and it's only in the 50's to 60's.   Wtf am I gonna do in Pennsyltucky?  I've already called ahead to my hotel to pre-order a comforter instead of one of those cheesy bedspreads.  I plan on calling from the airport to ask them to start the heat going in my room for when I get there.  Can you say Princess?  ;)  Laugh.  I have lived most of my years in south Florida.  I'm really just not so good in cold weather.  The whole layering thing is annoying.  And what irks me the most I think is that when everyone is wearing 900 layers to rival the Michelin man in rolls, most buildings keep their internal temperatures in the high 70s so it's too fucking hot!

I'm not that much of a girly-girl, but having to coordinate all my layers to look presentable at any given time is just too stressful.  Plus, it messes up my hair & make-up upon removing sweaters over the head.  The air is just crackling dry from the overheating and my long hair just stands on end at that point.  Why not just paint "I'm a PhrEak" on my forehead.  I'd get the same effect.

Sigh.

Am I done bitching yet?  = )

EDIT:  I just read about the plane crash in North Carolina.  That kinda scares me I guess, but if it's my time, just remember me fondly and smile (laugh?) when you think of me.  My heart cries for the friends & families of those who died today.

Monday, January 6, 2003

Monday, January 6, 2003

Back to work for me.  hehe yeah right, I worked all the last 2 weeks except for Christmas Day and New Year's Day. 

I'm really starting to get nervous about my trip to Pennsylvania.  I'm gonna freeze my little ass off, and I can't afford to lose much more from it.  The nurse recently said I was 104.  104!?!?!?!  That's a fucking temperature not a weight.  :( 

Everyone keeps wondering why I'm bugging out.  They say just wear a coat, and you'll be fine.  Hello, McFly, I live in Florida.  I don't own a fucking winter coat.  I'm begging friends now to borrow one.

Friday, January 3, 2003

Friday, January 3, 2003

I talked Galahad into going to the doctor finally.  Of course then I gave him an earful of advice like "If he tries to give you antibiotics, ask him how he knows it isn't a virus."  It turns out we've stayed with our doctor for a reason.  He's quite conservative about these things.  He listened to his lungs a lot (we were worried it might be walking pneumonia  -- whatever that is) and checked his glands and stuff.  Anyway, he told him it probably is a viral infection of some sort but gave him prescriptions for antibiotics if it gets worse later on.

I was quite relieved that everything was basically fine.  I tend to be a worrywart even if I don't listen to most doctors' advice about what pills they think we should take.  Galahad apparently felt silly for going and let our doctor know that it clearly hadn't been his idea to go.   :)  Oh well, I have big shoulders -- so to speak.  ;)

Tonight we were just chatting about his visit.  Well actually, I was grilling him for whatever details he could remember.  (Can you tell I don't 100% trust any doctor to serve in our best interests?  He still has to worry about his liability insurance after all.)  Anyway, Galahad casually mentioned that his father's cancer seemed to start out this way.  Normally, I love to hear him reminisce about his father, even the bad times, as I never had the privilege of meeting the man who helped to sculpt my beloved.  But this kind of piqued my female-power-of-worrywart-sense.

I got frustrated, terrified, sad, and envious all at the same time.  I was frustrated cuz he was so blasé.  I was terrified because of the thought that this might repeat in him.  I was sad for the young Galahad who had lost his father at such an early age when he still could have used his advice.  And, I was envious that his attitude about death is so calm and accepting.

I guess maybe I sound blasé sometimes when I speak of my mother's death.  I wonder if I come across as accepting as he does?  I still cry when I hear that someone dies though.  Maybe I just come to acceptance faster.  I think it has to do with the fact that I constantly have him at my side reminding me that death is just another facet of life.

We heard that our neighbor just died of cancer -- leaving behind 2 children about my age and a husband.  I cried for them and for her pain in saying goodbye to them.  :(

Thursday, January 2, 2003

Thursday, January 2, 2003

We watched the weirdest movie tonight.  Laugh.  Galahad thought he was getting a samurai movie.  It turned out to be an artsy gay samurai movie, and by gay I mean homosexual.  Not that one needs to be gay to watch this, but if you're homophobic, I highly recommend against it.  :)    It's called Taboo, btw, which I suppose should have been the first clue. It did have some good fight scenes in it, but it was more about intrigue and mystery and gayness. Hehe, we had a good laugh about the whole thing.  I could tell from the opening scene, but he was like "no way, you're crazy, wendy" --- until they started grabbing & touching.  hahahahahahaha

Wednesday, January 1, 2003

Wednesday, January 1, 2003

2003! I have mistyped it twice already (out of two times) as 2002. My fingers just know those keys.

I guess I will start this year with a BIG thank you to all my friends & loved ones (not that these are mutually exclusive.) I am grateful that I have a big family who cares about me in their own self-centered ways, as I care about them in my own self-centered way. :) I am happy that I have many friends, both close ones & casual ones --- depending on what I'm in the mood for. I am especially overwhelmed (as usual) when I reflect on how my Galahad has positively affected my life and who I am as a person.

I know you're wondering why I'm suddenly gushing out loud. I usually gush much more privately or at least individually. My brother gave me the news a few days ago that a mutual friend of ours (although my brother was much closer to him) who we've known since our teen years died on Christmas Eve. I just found out that it was suicide.

He was 34 years old and had two children. Since he left no note, they weren't sure at first if it was suicide or homicide. I guess someone figured it out; yet we'll never know exactly why. I have no problem with people choosing that way to end their pain. I just wish he had left something to help his children along their journey in life. They will spend many years in therapy and/or confusion wondering if they were perhaps to blame.

Ric, I'm so sorry you had such a painful life and were not able to find the joy to sustain you. I hope whatever afterlife there is or isn't brings you peace at last.

To those of you looking for happiness in drugs, I can tell you that you won't find it there. I have no solid advice for how to find your own peace & happiness. I know I found mine in my knight in shining armor --- my ever-amazing Galahad. I also know that you can't normally find it from another person, so I guess I must have been ready to find it within me and needed a guide to get there.

Look for your guides anywhere & everywhere. Accept them when you think you've found one and ask your trusted friends their opinions. Mayhap some people never find their peace except through death. I'm an optimist these days, so I believe everyone can find it somewhere as long as you keep searching and working on yourself. But, I've also been in the deep wells of despair that seemingly have no way out, so I judge no one who takes the route of suicide as the way to end their pain.

Maybe you just know that because of all the bad choices you made, there is no way out. Dunno. Weird that he went that path and my brother & I took our own paths. Ric always seemed so cheerful. He always had a smile on his face. We hung out with a pretty dysfunctional crowd. I wonder where some of the other ones are. I think my brother and I have lost more friends (most before 20) than most people lose in a lifetime. Maybe growing up in Miami in the 80s was to blame or maybe we just gravitated to the other people in psychic pain since we could relate to them. I'm so glad I'm not in that mental state anymore although I guess being there and escaping it gives me a ton of compassion to others who are there and can't find their way.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year and perhaps take a moment to remember how blessed you really are and forget that you don't have your dream car or dream house. At least you have dreams. :)