peanut butter emergency!

I typically buy a certain brand of organic crunchy peanut butter at one specific store.  (I go through creamy vs. crunchy phases, and I'm in my crunchy phase now.)  But, I was at Target already, so I decided to try their brand of organic crunchy.  Big mistake.  Right when I was celebrating the pool chlorine tablet company calling me back and making things right with their un-openable container (more on that later), I tried opening the fkn peanut butter.

And I was hungry.  And cranky.  And it wouldn't fkn open.  I tried the rubber grippy things.  I tried banging the top at a certain angle.  I tried smacking the bottom.  Nothing.  Desperation was setting in.  I was kicking myself (figuratively) for not stocking up on my regular brand.  I was thinking this is why it sucks to be single.  Because there's no one to open my fkn peanut butter.  Fuck that!  This is exactly why I strength train.  Not to sculpt my arms, but to open my own fkn peanut butter.

I tried all of the above all over again, smacking it, twisting, swearing.  And pop!  It opened.  Nothing comes between me and my peanut butter.  Even if I had to bruise my hands to get it open.

It's messier than my usual brand.  By the time I was finished eating my snack, I had it dripping down my hand, my arm, and my chin.  Doesn't matter, had peanut butter.  :)

Back to the chlorine tablets that are un-openable.  The Southern manager called me back after consultation with his container engineers.  He said there's a vital piece missing that would magically allow me to open it.  He asked me for all kinds of info on the container and where I purchased it so they could track where/how it got damaged.  I asked if I could force the white doohickey through the orange thingamajig.  He advised against it for safety reasons.

Anyway, he offered me a full refund and is mailing me a check.  How nice is that?  I don't even have to return it to the store thankfully because I can't lift it, even with my sculpted, peanut-butter-opening arms, ffs.  Not sure what to do with it now.  At some point, I'll get brave and try drilling the top open.  And maybe not blow myself up.