Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I am enough

Repeat after me.

I am enough.

Oh wait, we just learned that first person self-talk isn't as effective as third.  Man, I feel silly saying that in third person. 

Wendy is enough.  

Why yes I am a diva.  What gave me away??  :) 

I think I received a lesson from the universe yesterday.  Or at least that's how I'm framing yesterday's brutal migraine assault so that I don't fall into a well of despair.  I woke up feeling good, albeit a little guilty about paying someone to help me with a task that I was able to do (mostly) for a year.  Or at least a task that I felt I should be able to do.  I didn't do a great job at cleaning my pool this past year.  It was mediocre at best.

Boy howdy, was I glad I didn't have to get up and clean my pool filter, either last night or this morning.  I'm fkn exhausted and beat up.  It was a four-alarm migraine, which still isn't gone, but the klaxons have quieted down to a murmur.  Kitten didn't get a proper dinner for hours.  Neither did I, but I wasn't hungry in the slightest.  Now, I'm left feeling more grateful than guilty about hiring a pool technician.  Lesson learned.  I hope I can retain it.

My brother called and apologized for being so busy and unavailable the last several months.  That made me feel less like the burden I thought I'd been to him and a bit better.  I still lied and said I was fine when he asked.  What was I going to say?  Hey, glad you called finally, but I'm on my last thread.  Poor timing on your part.  It was easier to lie and hang up more quickly.  It's not as if he could do anything.  Any of you who suffer chronic pain know it feels better to not share your burden sometimes.  Except with those few amazing souls I trust to be compassionate and not feel uncomfortable around my pain.

Wendy is enough.  She can and will make it through this day.  And maybe,  just maybe, she will have a good hair day, too.

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