Tuesday, April 12, 2016

peanut butter emergency!

I typically buy a certain brand of organic crunchy peanut butter at one specific store.  (I go through creamy vs. crunchy phases, and I'm in my crunchy phase now.)  But, I was at Target already, so I decided to try their brand of organic crunchy.  Big mistake.  Right when I was celebrating the pool chlorine tablet company calling me back and making things right with their un-openable container (more on that later), I tried opening the fkn peanut butter.

And I was hungry.  And cranky.  And it wouldn't fkn open.  I tried the rubber grippy things.  I tried banging the top at a certain angle.  I tried smacking the bottom.  Nothing.  Desperation was setting in.  I was kicking myself (figuratively) for not stocking up on my regular brand.  I was thinking this is why it sucks to be single.  Because there's no one to open my fkn peanut butter.  Fuck that!  This is exactly why I strength train.  Not to sculpt my arms, but to open my own fkn peanut butter.

I tried all of the above all over again, smacking it, twisting, swearing.  And pop!  It opened.  Nothing comes between me and my peanut butter.  Even if I had to bruise my hands to get it open.

It's messier than my usual brand.  By the time I was finished eating my snack, I had it dripping down my hand, my arm, and my chin.  Doesn't matter, had peanut butter.  :)

Back to the chlorine tablets that are un-openable.  The Southern manager called me back after consultation with his container engineers.  He said there's a vital piece missing that would magically allow me to open it.  He asked me for all kinds of info on the container and where I purchased it so they could track where/how it got damaged.  I asked if I could force the white doohickey through the orange thingamajig.  He advised against it for safety reasons.

Anyway, he offered me a full refund and is mailing me a check.  How nice is that?  I don't even have to return it to the store thankfully because I can't lift it, even with my sculpted, peanut-butter-opening arms, ffs.  Not sure what to do with it now.  At some point, I'll get brave and try drilling the top open.  And maybe not blow myself up.


Anonymous said...

I have this jar opener and it works a treat:


America's Test Kitchen recommended it as their favorite too.

wendria said...

Thanks, I'll add that to my cart for a future purchase.