Tuesday, April 12, 2016
peanut butter emergency!
I typically buy a certain brand of organic crunchy peanut butter at one specific store. (I go through creamy vs. crunchy phases, and I'm in my crunchy phase now.) But, I was at Target already, so I decided to try their brand of organic crunchy. Big mistake. Right when I was celebrating the pool chlorine tablet company calling me back and making things right with their un-openable container (more on that later), I tried opening the fkn peanut butter.
And I was hungry. And cranky. And it wouldn't fkn open. I tried the rubber grippy things. I tried banging the top at a certain angle. I tried smacking the bottom. Nothing. Desperation was setting in. I was kicking myself (figuratively) for not stocking up on my regular brand. I was thinking this is why it sucks to be single. Because there's no one to open my fkn peanut butter. Fuck that! This is exactly why I strength train. Not to sculpt my arms, but to open my own fkn peanut butter.
I tried all of the above all over again, smacking it, twisting, swearing. And pop! It opened. Nothing comes between me and my peanut butter. Even if I had to bruise my hands to get it open.
It's messier than my usual brand. By the time I was finished eating my snack, I had it dripping down my hand, my arm, and my chin. Doesn't matter, had peanut butter. :)
Back to the chlorine tablets that are un-openable. The Southern manager called me back after consultation with his container engineers. He said there's a vital piece missing that would magically allow me to open it. He asked me for all kinds of info on the container and where I purchased it so they could track where/how it got damaged. I asked if I could force the white doohickey through the orange thingamajig. He advised against it for safety reasons.
Anyway, he offered me a full refund and is mailing me a check. How nice is that? I don't even have to return it to the store thankfully because I can't lift it, even with my sculpted, peanut-butter-opening arms, ffs. Not sure what to do with it now. At some point, I'll get brave and try drilling the top open. And maybe not blow myself up.