Friday, December 18, 2015

time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future

Is it January yet?

How pitiful is it that I have almost as many Christmas cards from businesses as I do from friends?  It's not like I can or am complaining.  I've basically boycotted the holidays this year and didn't send any cards out myself.  Not that I expect to get cards when I send them.  Also, the past few years I've noticed that it's a dying practice.  I think most people don't display them anymore, they just toss them after opening them.

Despite my boycott, I've displayed mine.  Emma Peel sent me one, so I couldn't very well throw it away, now could I?  Plus, as we all know, I'm a sentimental sucker.  It's a hard balance to maintain, my sentimental side with my fuck-the-holidays side.  Especially at work.  I'm careful never to mention my emotional quagmire, so I usually get a little vague and then distract them with questions about their holiday plans.

I keep asking myself why I've boycotted the holidays.  I mean, besides the obvious that my heart was broken.  I feel as if invisible chains are keeping my holiday spirit locked up in my mind.  Every time I loosen one part, another tightens up.  Which type of magnesium helps that muscle cramp?  Because my regular ones (I have several) aren't cutting it.

Kitten came back from her morning constitutional, licking her chops, as if she had just eaten.  I looked around on the porch and found no telltale signs of her killing any creatures.  Therefore, I have to assume she did the poor orphan routine on some unsuspecting neighbor.  I'm starting to see how my mom felt when I'd come home after one of the neighbor moms showed a kindness to me.

I guess Mom did me a favor in the long run by prohibiting me from accepting any aid.  And punishing me if I did.  I'm much more independent than I would have been.  I'm not sure why that is an admired trait actually because it just means I'm reluctant to trust people and show them my softer side.  But it's easier than figuring out intricate human relationships, with debts owed and collected.  It's fkn hard being human, huh?

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