Thursday, December 24, 2015

sit down and bleed

It's a quote from Ernest Hemingway, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”  For you young'uns, a typewriter was like a computer without a backspace or delete button.  I'm not a huge fan of Hemingway's books, but he slung out some wisdom.

And here for your vicarious viewing pleasure, I shall bleed for you.  Just goofing, I hope I don't have any sadists or schadenfreudians amongst my reading audience.  Unfortunately, I'm not goofing about the bleeding and pain.  This week sucks for me.  My eyes randomly start leaking.  Fortunately, the heavy sobbing has hit only once.  So far.  It also preceded a pretty bad migraine (by a few hours), so perhaps the sobbing was a foreshadowing symptom.

I finally made it to the gym this week with my workout partner, who very hilariously texted me every hour beforehand to make sure I showed up on time.  :)   We had a great workout and then went for delicious burgers, laughing quite continuously throughout both.  And yet, on the drive home, my eyes started leaking again.

My friends have been incredibly awesome at making me feel loved and appreciated.  My family, not so much.  In their minds, I've fully recovered and am fine.  It's my fault, too, for not volunteering how precariously I'm holding on.  Fuck you, pride.  But almost every one of them has had long-term relationships end and should realize the holidays suck.  But they don't even think about it, because why should they?  They're mired in their own holiday stressors or enjoying their good times.  I'm happy for them, so I won't mention my jagged emotions.  Mostly, I'm just hunkering down until this blows over.  That's the healthy approach, right?  :P

I sincerely hope everyone else is having a better time of it.  Perhaps even enjoying themselves with friends and families.  I like imagining you guys, laughing and cozy, and most of all, happy.  I do live in a dream world, don't I?

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