Do you ever get tired of being you? Sick of your unique life problems? Sick of your health problems? Sick of your work problems? Sick of your social issues? Sick of how your brain processes and reacts to so-called negative stimuli?
I feel like I'm on a treadmill and can't get it to slow down. Or figure out how to step off and break the cycle. In essence, I want a vacation from being me. I want out of my skin, but not in a creepy "it puts the lotion on" kind of way. I was talking to a friend who said he doesn't let adversity change his outlook because it doesn't help. He's right, but I need lessons in that, although I fear it's an innate ability I don't possess.
And then I hear from my friend who's battling cancer and is more cheerful than I. And I feel like a self-entitled, pathetic loser, crying alone in my bath. Not even the ylang ylang is working its magic tonight.
Logically, I know everyone has their own demons to battle. Why do mine feel more vicious and feral? Duh, because they're personal and so fkn enduring. Decades of this shit. Which is why I want a mini-vacay from me. Is that so much to ask?
I know all of this, and yet...
Please stop the world because I wanna get off.
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