Thursday, March 10, 2016

and that's why I don't like making plans

Fuck you, migraine.

Okay, that's out of the way.  Maybe I need a 'Fuck my life' or three thrown in also.  Sigh, fuck my life.

I felt a migraine slowly developing yesterday and ignored it because every once in a while it stops on its own.  This wasn't one of those times.  I took a pill.  Waited two hours in misery and increasing pain.  Started wondering if I had missed my mouth somehow when I took it.

Kitten bailed and gave up on dinner plans.

I finally did an injection.  No hesitation about the pain of the needle or the burn of the medicine.  Just POP.  Fuck!  Owwww.  Can't breathe.  Chest is tightening up.  Force my lungs to breathe, despite the elephant sitting on it.  Need a distraction.  

In the midst of my pain, I was already feeling guilty about letting people down and letting myself down and how much money was wasted because of prepaid stuff.  I haven't even canceled anything yet.  And the guilt and recriminations flooded me.

After the shot did its magic, I went downstairs to feed Kitten and to feed myself.  I made mac 'n' cheese and dropped it on the floor.  And sat down and ate it.  In my defense, I had just mopped, so the floor was clean.  Plus the 30 second rule.  Plus the I'm hungry rule.  And it wasn't even old mac 'n' cheese.  Which meant an extra +10 to flavor.  It's the only time I eat mac 'n' cheese.  I sometimes crave it during migraines.

I woke during the night and took more meds.  The pain has receded to the middle of my head and greatly reduced in severity.  Off to work with a smile on my face, lest anyone guesses the torment of my life.

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