really Mr. Mailman?

Was it so important to deliver that single piece of junk mail addressed to my ex that you needed to knock my garbage can over to do it?  I understand that accidents happen, but couldn't you step two feet out of your doorless truck to set it upright again on such a sunny day?  You do know that sitting is the new smoking, right?  Not only would it have been the right thing to do, but it would have been the healthy one.  I will take some personal responsibility and admit I placed the offending item only 3.5 feet away from my mailbox instead of 4, which might have required you to lean farther than you had planned.   I'm deeply sorry.

If I didn't have a smidge of social anxiety and had been better coiffed to appear in public, I might have talked to you about this.  Although, knowing me, I probably would have apologized for distressing you.  It was most likely better for all involved (including the trash can) that I stayed inside and held my tongue.

Look, I get it.  I've been having a shitty time lately, too.  Maybe I'd feel better if I bashed down a few garbage cans with my car.  But, if we all did that, anarchy might erupt.  And precipitate the imminent (so I hear) zombie apocalypse.  And then I'd be faced with a harsh choice because who the fuck wants to survive an apocalypse?  I can barely survive with so many modern day conveniences. 

I guess that's a perk (perq, if we're being proper) of being a mailman.  You get to mow down stationary objects with zero liability.  I wonder if they list that on their job postings under benefits.

• salary
• healthcare
• dental
• 401k
• running over trashcans with impunity

Anyway, thanks for being so diligent with your responsibilities.  I'll make sure he receives that solitary piece of advertisement.  And I may even let him know the horrors you had to endure to get it to me. 

“Neither rain, sleet, snow, hail, nor gloom of night stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”