Friday, January 22, 2016
Mailman: 2, Wendy: 0
Mofo' did it again. I had freshly washed hair this time and was mostly presentable, so I went out to confront the mailman after he plowed into my trash can. However, because I had left PLENTY of room between the mailbox and the trash can, he was able to give it a glancing blow and speed off before I could get outside. Next time, maybe I'll preemptively go out before he gets to my house. I wonder if he'll have the audacity to hit it while I'm standing there. And now I want to stand there and place the can closer each time.
Except, mailmen are scary to me. Think about how much power they have over you. They know where you live and handle many of your personal details. Less now that we are more digital, but still enough to be threatening.
Without going into too much detail, I had a stalker mailman in college. In hindsight, I guess I could see where he thought I lead him on. I was anxiously awaiting my GRE results in the mail, you know, because I thought my whole future hung in the balance. Plus I also assumed I had done poorly because surprise, surprise, I had a migraine when I took it. Guess which idiot stood out by the mailbox every day waiting for the mailman? Even after I told him I was waiting for a specific piece of mail, he assumed I was there for him. Apparently it takes two idiots to create a clusterfuck big enough to involve law enforcement.
I performed an informal survey of my neighbors' trashcans and mailbox distances. I noticed many that were closer in proximity to each other and yet still upright. Sigh, I'm beginning to think this is personal. If I go missing soon, tell the police to look at the mailman.