Friday, January 3, 2003

I talked Galahad into going to the doctor finally.  Of course then I gave him an earful of advice like "If he tries to give you antibiotics, ask him how he knows it isn't a virus."  It turns out we've stayed with our doctor for a reason.  He's quite conservative about these things.  He listened to his lungs a lot (we were worried it might be walking pneumonia  -- whatever that is) and checked his glands and stuff.  Anyway, he told him it probably is a viral infection of some sort but gave him prescriptions for antibiotics if it gets worse later on.

I was quite relieved that everything was basically fine.  I tend to be a worrywart even if I don't listen to most doctors' advice about what pills they think we should take.  Galahad apparently felt silly for going and let our doctor know that it clearly hadn't been his idea to go.   :)  Oh well, I have big shoulders -- so to speak.  ;)

Tonight we were just chatting about his visit.  Well actually, I was grilling him for whatever details he could remember.  (Can you tell I don't 100% trust any doctor to serve in our best interests?  He still has to worry about his liability insurance after all.)  Anyway, Galahad casually mentioned that his father's cancer seemed to start out this way.  Normally, I love to hear him reminisce about his father, even the bad times, as I never had the privilege of meeting the man who helped to sculpt my beloved.  But this kind of piqued my female-power-of-worrywart-sense.

I got frustrated, terrified, sad, and envious all at the same time.  I was frustrated cuz he was so blasé.  I was terrified because of the thought that this might repeat in him.  I was sad for the young Galahad who had lost his father at such an early age when he still could have used his advice.  And, I was envious that his attitude about death is so calm and accepting.

I guess maybe I sound blasé sometimes when I speak of my mother's death.  I wonder if I come across as accepting as he does?  I still cry when I hear that someone dies though.  Maybe I just come to acceptance faster.  I think it has to do with the fact that I constantly have him at my side reminding me that death is just another facet of life.

We heard that our neighbor just died of cancer -- leaving behind 2 children about my age and a husband.  I cried for them and for her pain in saying goodbye to them.  :(