last full day

We started the morning with a full Scottish breakfast again.  My last taste of black pudding -- the new superfood.  So sad.  I also noticed that my nose was red.  It probably wasn't the small amount of liquor consumed the night before, so as implausible as it seemed, I had gotten a tinge too much sun in Scotland.  Remind me to pack my sunblock next time!

Then we decided to walk to town and hit the shops to find me a cashmere sweater.  For lunch I ordered local fish and chips.

Here are random photos from in town.

Dinner was venison and lamb burgers, provided by a local stalker.  It turns out stalker there means hunting guide, not creepy guy hanging around too much.  Although, perhaps the animals think of him that way.

21 for 21

 

Every year, I make a fun list of items I want to accomplish, not necessarily traditional New Year's resolutions.  And when I say fun list, the list is fun, but not everything on it is fun.    Last year's list had to be modified somewhat due to the global pandemic.  I never went to the dermatologist or bought my sundress.  I never went to my friend's wedding in Scotland either.

But I did visit my brother on his ranch BECAUSE of the pandemic, so that was a tradeoff.  I also finally fixed all of my dental nonsense I had going on.  And I bought a new Christmas dress, albeit still not a sundress.

The dermatologist and sundress have carried over to this year.  Most dressing rooms are open again, and sundresses are too hard for me to buy without trying on first.  I have no valid reason about the dermatologist except that I ran out of medical-needs emotional energy halfway through the year.

I'm still looking for more ideas for this year, especially fun ones, so chime in if you have suggestions.

but does it fit?

After the gym, I decided it was time to buy new gym shoes.  Mine are at least seven years old, maybe more.  They still mostly work, but they look like ass and have a few worn spots.

I popped into a few retail stores, which were open (to my surprise).  They all had mask rules and customer capacity limits.  And they had limited inventory, too.  I found only three pair of shoes in my size.  Lame.

I didn't want it to be a complete waste of time, so I went looking for a sundress (one of my 2020 goals pre-pandemic).  I found four that I kind of liked in my size.  That was a bonanza as far as I was concerned.  I went to the fitting room and realized those are a thing of the past.  They recommend trying items on at home and returning them if necessary.

That seems extra cumbersome, expensive, and just as germ-ridden, if not more so.

I think buying a sundress will get pushed to next year.

apocalypse shopping

Pop and I went on on one of our routine (or so I thought) Costco shopping trips today.  We got there late morning to try to avoid the crowds.  Our first clue that it was atypical was that there wasn't one open parking space, even behind the building.  We waited for a woman to load her truck, and then we took her parking space. 

 

We skipped the toilet paper and water aisles, so I don't know how bad those were, but the shelves were fairly empty for Costco.  Every employee that we spoke to said it had been three solid days of this, and that it's been worse than Christmas and hurricane shopping.  And apparently we did get there at the 'slow' time.  It was more crowded when they first opened, and it was worse as we were leaving, when the lunch crowd was arriving.

It was certainly an experience.   Everyone was friendly, without a bunch of panicked pushing and grabbing.

I stocked up with some extra sardines and frozen food, but neither one of us went too crazy.

I hope we both look back on this day as just another bizarre life event and not one that changed our reality.

20 for 20

I stopped making New Year's resolutions years ago.   If I want to change something, I'll change it whenever.   However, I started creating fun lists of things to do every year that would make my life better in some aspect.   I have a whole year to accomplish them, so there's not as much pressure on January first. 

One of the items on this year's list is to go back to my dermatologist.  On the surface, it's awful and I'll probably cry a lot.  But in the end, I need to get checked again for skin cancers that I can't see or may have missed.   It's something I managed to procrastinate all of last year.

I also like to put items on to push me out of my comfort zone.  Because that's where personal growth happens.  Right now, I have 'buy a sundress' on my list, but I may change it.  I haven't been much of a dress person before, but I'm attempting to expand my horizons.  Last year, I got three new dresses and wore more skirts and dresses than I have in the past several years combined.  So many women rave about how comfortable sundresses are.  I would like to feel more comfortable and confident wearing them, so it's on my list for now.  It's all predicated if I can actually find one that fits me.  But I have a year to look.

I need to find a couple more items to put on my list, so please send any suggestions my way.

shopping?

My sisters and I planned to drive into the city to shop.  Normally I'm not fond of shopping, but I was looking for souvenirs and gifts.  Plus some sister bonding.

They don't get along perfectly, so I tried to do my part as intermediary and organize everyone.  Pop was supposed to drive us because the rental car was in his name.  That was due to last minute arrangements made at the airport after my sister and he missed their flight because blah blah blah family drama.

Anyway, after much texting back and forth, both sisters said they would be ready within five minutes and meeting by my cottage.  Ten minutes later, one sister knocks on my door and is wearing her swimsuit.  What?!

Me:  "I thought we were going shopping?"
Her:  "We are."
Me:  "Why the swimsuit then?"
Her:  "Because Waikiki"
Me:  "Huh?"
Her:  "WAIKIKI"
Me:  "Right, but I thought we were going shopping?"
Her:  "Wendy, it's Waikiki Beach though"
Me:  "So we're still going shopping, right?"
Her:  "Yes"

At that point, I felt like I was in a bad comedy sketch and decided to roll with it.  She told me I could bring my suit, too.  I declined because we're staying on one of the world's best beaches ever.  Why would I want to go elsewhere?

We walk over to my other sister's cabin, and she answers the door in her bathrobe.  What?!

Hadn't I just been texting with both of them that we were going shopping and everyone would be ready 15 minutes ago??

Whatever.  We finally get all situated in the car, and are on our way.  Halfway there, I realize how absurd it is that our 90 year old father is chauffeuring us around.  But he's an excellent driver with more experience than all of us combined, so I guess it's fine.

I couldn't resist piping up from the backseat that she was hitting me.  (She accidentally bumped me on a pothole.)

We drove into Waikiki and passed the high end shops, where we all decided to park and take a look.  One sister was looking for a handmade Hawaiian quilt, which turned out to be gobs of money.  She was going to think about it.

Tiffany & Co, Waikiki

I quickly lost interest in the quilt store and wandered into Tiffany's, Louis Vuitton, and Hermès.  One sister met up with me in Hermès, and we browsed until I was asked not to photograph their dishes.  What?!  What if I had been shopping for real and wanted to ask my partner if he liked them, too?  I'd assume before spending thousands of dollars on housewares, I'd want mutual agreement.  Maybe that's not how the wealthy operate.  They were marvelous dishes.

We went for lunch at the upscale food court and got Vietnamese.  Yum.

Then, my sister and Pop went to Waikiki Beach, while my other sister and I relaxed in the nearby air-conditioned Starbucks, where she explained to me that it was a generational thing.  Apparently Waikiki Beach was a huge thing for them as kids.

family Costco trip

Because we were all staying at places with some sort of kitchens, we decided to go shopping for food for the week.  And what better place to buy in bulk than Costco??

It was way more fun than it sounds.  And also stressful.  My two sisters, Pop, and I went to acquire food stuffs.  We didn't have any coffee at the cottages yet, so we stopped at Starbucks first.  Also, Costco didn't open until 10am, and we'd all been awake for hours because of time zones, so we had time to kill.  Believe it or not, this was my very first cup of Starbucks coffee ever.  It was anticlimactic.

very first Starbucks coffee

One sister found a nice floppy sun hat, which we all thought was cute, so we got matching sister hats.  YAY!!

matching sisters' floppy hat

We bought tons of food to feed 15 people, who may or may not ever be eating the same meals.  Mostly not. 

guess who isn't magically cured?

After two weeks of very little pain and minimal migraine attacks, for some inane reason, I always think I must be magically cured.  I keep my life fairly regimented and geared toward living the migraine-free lifestyle.  And I forget that when I alter that one teensy bit, BOOM, instant migraine.

I bet you're wondering what my alteration of routine was that triggered this latest 41 hour and counting attack. 

I went to the mall. 

On a very uncrowded and stress-free day.   There were almost more employees than shoppers.  The weather was clear because I had purposefully waited for a zero trigger day.

I was given a gift-card as a present.  I should have walked in, bought one thing, and walked out.  But I decided to shop, look at options, and buy myself an actual present that I wanted but didn't need.  You know, the actual reason that someone gives you a gift-card.  I tried on two skirts, one pair of pants, and a shirt.  That should not have been a calamity.  I came straight home afterwards and napped, but it was too late.  The juggernaut was in motion.

I'm focusing on the positives though. 

• Someone loves me enough to buy me a gift. 
• I received six compliments on my hair that day.  SIX!!!
• I had a lovely bed and quiet house to recover in.
• I had meds and food readily available.
• I had friends to text and chat with while the meds kicked in.
• I had audiobooks to distract me with the push of a couple buttons.  

Technology is fantastic sometimes.

decluttering

A few weeks ago a friend of mine challenged me to throw away one thing per day.  That sounded extremely arduous, but I like a new challenge, especially if I feel I can grow from it.  She gave me some persuasive arguments on how my emotional health will improve even if I merely clean out a closed drawer or closet. 

Before anyone freaks out thinking I live like a hoarder, my house is generally clutter-free, but I acknowledge that I have attachment issues.  I keep all kinds of stupid shit that I don't need.  For instance, why do I have three umbrellas, even though I rarely use one.  My mentality is I might need them some day, and why not keep three if I have the room.  Hence, why I needed her persuasive arguments.  Her bottom line is that I will feel better emotionally if I declutter.  Allegedly.  There's a book that is releasing soon called Outer Order, Inner Calm.   Same principle, I think.  And the author probably says it way better than I can.

Back to my challenge.  Surprisingly, I have been keeping up with it.  Some days, I get rid of more than one thing.  I donated one umbrella and decided to keep two.  That's still progress.  Go me.  I also threw out a mostly full three year old ketchup bottle.  Plus all the little ketchup packets that accumulate.  I don't even like ketchup.  Why did I save them?  Because I had room in my fridge and maybe one day I might need it.  Or one of my legions of invisible guests might.  :)  Ketchup always felt like a staple to me somehow. 

I'm having a much harder time getting rid of unused clothes, although before this challenge started, I did donate a bunch of business attire.  Clothing is so much more burdensome to get rid of because I hate shopping.  And I hate shopping because it's tricksy to find items that fit AND make me feel good about myself.  I usually end a shopping trip in tears with lowered self-esteem, even if it's ultimately successful. 

I'm eagerly awaiting the day I wake up and magically lose all of my attachment issues.  :)

new cables

I know everyone gets so adamant about next-day delivery, but there's something to be said for old-fashioned, week-long delivery.  I forgot what I ordered and had fun opening boxes, like it was Christmas!  Plus it provides my mailman with exercise when he has to get out of his truck to carry the package to my door.  You're welcome! 

I bought more of my favorite hair-styling gel, Kinky-Curly Curling Custard Gel.  Because of course I did.

And a couple of household items.  And then I needed to add something inexpensive to get free shipping because I'm a dumbass and fall for that every time.  I ordered three cables in pretty colors, which are extra long so I can relax wherever, while I'm charging.  I already opened the pink one before taking the photo.  It's working swimmingly.

 

vote early and vote often

I early-voted yesterday.  Now I can ignore every political argument and discussion as irrelevant.  Yay!  I was surprised to see other voters there.  Usually, I'm the only one.  I was told by a poll worker that I wasn't allowed to have my phone on.  Hmm, I had all my choices written down on it.  She said fine but told me no pictures.  I was on my way to the gym in an old t-shirt and shorts.  Didn't want my picture taken anyway. 

Then it was off to the gym, which is always a challenge when I'm anemic and out of breath constantly.  My workout partner and I rewarded ourselves with burgers afterwards.  For medicinal purposes.  Yum.

On the way home, I stopped by the only grocery store which carries liver.  They didn't have any liver.  The butcher apologized profusely.  Thanks, but that's not gonna rebuild my blood cells, buddy. 

I finally made it home and worked like a fiend until I received a text asking if I was there yet.  Oops, I was late and hadn't even gotten ready yet.  Fortunately even fancy events here can be attended in jeans and t-shirts.  Or at least that's what I tell myself. 

I filled up on canapés and socialized even more.   That's a whole lot of me being friendly all in one day.  I came home and went straight to bed.  

Bennu, here we come!

The purpose of yesterday's launch is to travel to a faraway asteroid, grab some samples, and come back to Earth.  It's more complex than that, but now you have the gist.

Time to go home.

Guess who forgot to pre-medicate before the drive?  Dumbass.  But I was feeling good and in denial.  I stopped at the world-famous Ron Jon Surf Shop to finally find some board shorts that fit.  They barely had any women's in their two-story monstrosity of a building.  Fkn sexists fkrs.  I managed to get two pair that I mostly liked.

By the time I got home, I could feel the yawns starting and the migraine about to hit.  I took an Imitrex and went to bed early.  Kitten was happy to see me, and I gratefully snuggled with her in my comfy bed.

gotta catch 'em all

I've been embracing my inner child lately.  And my inner nerd.  I was talking to some young internet friends about how silly their new game is.  I'm not sure what happened, but twenty minutes later, I had Pokémon Go installed on my phone.  

And after a full day of server and app crashing, I got sucked right in.  Yep, I'm a level 2 badass now.  

/Flex

This reminds me of the time RedBull did a promotional scavenger hunt.  I ended up with cases upon cases of disgusting beverages.  But I had fun tracking them down all over the city.  I even enlisted my friends and family to get more.  

So many posts about how to catch a Pokémon next door without looking creepy.  I felt like a criminal last night.  Slowly driving through dark parking lots.  Then reversing and cruising the next aisle to get closer to my virtual target.  I kept wondering how I would explain myself to a cop if I was spotted doing that and questioned.  This can go wrong in so many ways.  One teen already found a dead body while Pokémon hunting.

I suppose it's a great way to encourage kids to get exercise.  It probably doesn't work for me since I drove to all of mine.  In my defense, I had just exercised for 90 minutes.

I had a full night of shenanigans.  Exercise class, then pizza I don't love with fun friends,  then Apocalypse planning in the parking lot with aforementioned friends.  We also checked out the night sky, trying to see Jupiter behind the moon.  I ducked and covered when I saw 5 uniformed men walking our way.  They were firefighters, but my instincts were correct.  Stay away from the action.

After that, I rushed over to the grocery store before it closed.  It was amazing!  Lots of parking spaces.  Nice empty aisles.  No wait at the cashier, until I fucked up the whole chip and sign process.  Why is every machine different and tricksy?  I apologized to the woman behind me.  She was very relaxed and said she didn't mind.

As I was checking my phone (like you do) before driving home, I looked at my Pokémon app and noticed a swirly blue thing nearby.  I had no idea what it was, but I clicked it because why not.  I got stuff, I think.  And it was fun, with sparkles and sound effects.  I checked the map again and saw another blue thing across the street.  I weighed a quick drive-by against melting groceries and the migraine lurking in the back of my brain.  Swirly blue thing won.  And that's how addictions are created.

I hit three more swirly blue things on my drive home, and caught a few Pokémon.  There was another one so close to my house, but the melting groceries and the pounding migraine won that round.  Barely.

Christmas in June!

My mailman delivered a package to me today.  So did UPS.  So did some other courier service.  I have all kinds of stuff to sort through and decide if I'm keeping.  Mostly, I bought vitamins, which I'm keeping.  And some fancy salt.  I also bought some clothes.  I did a virtual fashion show via text to get opinions. 

I think I have new jeans.  I'm still on the fence about the shorts, although the reaction was positive.  I'll try everything on again later when I'm less cranky.  I need to try the jeans on with my boots to check the length.  Everything is super comfy, so now all I need to worry about is fit and fashion.  Fashion seemed to be a win from various opinions.

It all boils down to does my ass look fat in this [insert item here]?  Not many people will answer that both honestly and nicely.  And I feel the need to modify that question to "am I too old to wear this?"  Fuck, I hate when insecurities raise their ugly faces.

is romance dead?

Because of health issues, I haven't been able to summon the energy to workout in the past few weeks.  Yesterday, I woke up with a purpose and didn't deviate.  It wasn't the best workout ever.  I cut it short before I passed out.  But it was exercise, and it was glorious.  And for a bonus, I laughed and hung out with my workout partner, whom I hadn't seen in weeks.

I stopped at Whole Foods because my brother told me they sold organic liver.  Liar, liar, pants on fire.  I remembered why I haven't shopped there.  Not only didn't they have chicken liver, but when I asked the butcher dude, who was a mumbler, if they had any liver, he said they had cat liver.  I'm a pretty adventurous eater, but I draw the line at knowingly eating cat when I have a plenitude of conventional options.  It turns out he said calf liver, and it was veal at $15/lb.  I put it back when he wasn't looking.

The eggs were more expensive than every other store around.  Everything was more expensive, so I didn't buy much and still overspent.  The smell of hot, delicious BBQ wafted over to me, and I thought of buying some, until I realized it was an open buffet type display, with a minuscule sneeze-guard and tons of people walking by.  I'm not a germaphobe, but that looked so unappetizing.

There was even a young couple leaning against it and making out.  I wanted to tell her, "Honey, you can do better than him if that's the most romantic place he can think of," but I kept my mouth shut to avoid hostile bullets rocketing in my direction.  You never know who's carrying in Florida.

sunny outside

But grey in my heart.  I want to be happy, but tears slide down my face.  I'm forcing myself to meet my workout partner at the gym.  Either the physical activity or laughing with him (or both) might help.  I'm really, really counting on it helping.

UPDATE: I cried on the drive over and wiped away the last of my tears as I walked inside.  I was hoping his eagle eyes wouldn't notice anything amiss.  Fortunately I distracted him with my delicious-smelling hair, after using my Curls Coconut Curlada this morning.

Workout helped exactly as I'd desired.  We laughed and sweated our way to happiness.  I made bird noises during a shoulder fly set, and got him to do it, too, when he did his set, although he chose a different bird.  I'm pretty sure we annoyed everyone near us with our laughter and shenanigans.  Oh well.  I needed it.

Afterward, I stopped at the store and accidentally bought dessert.  Never go shopping when you're hungry.  As of this posting, I've limited myself to just one.  So fkn ambrosial.

lunch sans listeria

 
I have a four pound bag of organic peas in my freezer just begging me to eat them.  But the FDA is recommending not to.  My sister and Einstein fall into the OMG DON'T DO IT camp.  I'm kind of on the fence.  What are the odds that my bag is infected?  Pretty low.  No one has even gotten sick yet.  Plus, I recently finished a similar bag (which probably met these specs), and I was fine.  Yes, I can get a refund, that isn't the issue.  I'm lazy and craving some fkn peas now.  And they're right there!!

Einstein told me I could die.  My sister hit me with that, too, and when I didn't sound 100% convinced, she threw in the "it could give you a migraine" line.  Funny how a migraine is more persuasive than nebulous death.

My lunch just wasn't the same without that key green ingredient.  I added pumpkin seeds, pecan pieces, and shredded coconut to my nitrate-free bacon.  It was delicious, but pea-less.

Before I could post this, my sister emailed me that the recall list is growing.  Now my lovely frozen broccoli is on the list.  I know I've eaten at least one bag of that recently.  You may wonder why I don't buy fresh instead of frozen.  There are a couple of reasons, the main one being convenience.  When I'm exhausted and/or in pain, I don't want to go to the store and shop.  The second reason is that if the food is flash frozen at the source, it has more nutrition in it than if it had sat around a couple of days.

I suppose I need to drag my ass to the store.  All my spoonie friends out there know that's a lot of spoons.  Two eggs in my coffee today might help generate an extra, right?  See, that's what I'm talking about.  I consume raw eggs every day.  For years.  Listeria just doesn't seem that menacing.  Except for the potential migraine.

pure flowers, pure power

Because I love flowers so much.  And because I love boots so much.  I combined my love of the two.  Not sure if these are an abomination or the best thing ever.

They're also not as comfy as I'd imagined.  I should probably stop buying boots online.  But, they were on sale.  They were Docs.  There were flowers.  What else did I need to know?  I'm hoping the leather softens and does so before I get huge blisters on the backs of my ankles.  My thicker Thorlos may save the day.

I'm wearing them now, and the thicker socks definitely help.  I wonder how ridiculous I look wearing them with shorts.  Whatevs, it's hot out, and Kitten doesn't seem to mind my atrocious fashion choices.

Did you notice the awesomely long boot straps?  They actually work and aren't just there for aesthetics.  Now I can literally pull myself up by the bootstraps.  Okay, I suppose it's still figuratively, but it's closer on the continuum to literally.

selling dreams: $6

a.k.a. the poor people tax
a.k.a. Powerball lottery

I got suckered into buying group lottery tickets yesterday.  Normally, I don't succumb that easily to peer pressure.  However, there were several contributing factors.  First and foremost, I had a migraine.  Meaning, it was easier (and therefore quicker to get to my meds and bed) to go along with buying into the Powerball pool than to abstain and say why.  Second, I felt like a pretentious douchebag talking about odds, probabilities, shark attacks, and lightning strikes.  (Why do people always use shark attacks and lightning strikes when explaining long odds?)  Third, I hate crushing other people's dreams.  And finally, it was admittedly a little fun to join in the hype and dream for a mere $6 admission price.  Plus, wouldn't I feel like even more of a jackass if they all won without me? 

Everyone was very excited, and the group texts were flying back and forth about what numbers we got and which locations had the best chance.  The part I loved was the generosity it called forth.  People offering help to others and charity groups -- mostly animal welfare because people suck.  And that's why they're my friends.

So come with me today and dream a little dream of millions of dollars.  Let's not think of the financial snafus and intricacies that come with vast amounts of money pouring too quickly into a group of casual friends.  Instead, think of financial independence and all the stone-crab claws I can eat.  Everyone's first reaction is to picture their boss' face when they say "fuck you, I quit."  However, I like my manager.  A lot.  I'd still quit, don't get me wrong.  :P  But I wouldn't preface it with "fuck you."

What's the first thing I'd do?  Hire a chauffeur?  A chef?  A massage therapist?  Buy my own island?  Timeshare in a jet?  I don't think I'd have enough money to buy and maintain my own jet.  Damn it, Wendy, stop being so practical.  It's dream time!

I think after personal chef and massage therapist, I'd like a tailor.  And cobbler (not the dessert).  I'm tired of the challenges of finding clothes to fit my skinny/fat body.  And skinny feet.  And maybe a personal hair stylist.  And personal trainer.  And now I'm having anxiety over having to deal with so many people.  Which is maybe why I'm not rich or why I suck at dreaming of riches.

Hmm, maybe my ultimate dream would be to have one trustworthy (there's the catch) person to handle EVERYONE for me.  Which is starting to sound an awful lot like my ultimate partner.  But money can't buy me love or some such.  And this is why I rarely play lottery.  Well that, and the abysmal odds.

I love the smell of raw meat in the morning, smells like victory

My Sensei invited me to a regular martial arts class last night and promised me no hitting or being hit.  There's some comfort I suppose, when feeling this pain, to know that it was all self-inflicted.  And my knuckles aren't bleeding, which is another bonus.  He was genius and invited me first thing in the morning while I still had energy, and I enthusiastically accepted.  I was feeling a bit rundown about 3 pm and wondering how the fuck I could make it to class, let alone participate.

I had already spent a few hours with my dad at lunch, shopping for 12 pounds of meat for Kitten at his big box store, and hanging out listening to old stories, which I love.  By the way, I usually am not a fan of self-checkout, except when I'm buying so much meat, so I can avoid the inevitable 'are you having a BBQ?' question, which I answer with, no it's ALL for my cat.  And then it becomes awkward.  Whatevs, she's healthy and happy, and I save on vet bills.

I cut up eight pounds of it this morning, divided it into baggies to freeze, and froze the last four pounds whole.  She patiently watched me and waited for her meal.  Now, she's passed out in her little patch of sunshine.

My whole body aches.  I've been taking magnesium like candy.  Which is not a great analogy because I don't eat much candy.  Hmm, I'll have to work on coming up with a new expression.  I came home last night, crammed lots of cold leftovers into my mouth, and then dragged my sorry ass upstairs to soak in a magnesium bath.  I figured I'd be asleep by 9 pm.  It didn't quite work out that way.  And next thing I know, I had another six-hour-sleep night.

We did lots of leg and ass work last night, so my legs are pretty useless right now.  I'm very glad I have handrails on my stairs.  Of course we finished up the leg exercises with 50 or 80 push-ups.  I lost count after the 3rd or 4th set of 10.  And finally some abdominal work just to remind me every time I fkn laugh.

I'm a bit perplexed why putting my body through 90 minutes of punishment is so good for me, and why I continue to do it.  For years.  At least now that I'm in the migraine clinical trial, my workouts don't trigger migraines every time. Go me!