it sneaks up, slowly invading my space, my body, my breath, my very soul, without me even being aware. its insidious tendrils get into my thoughts, telling me that i'm worthless, unlovable, better off away from humanity. it coaxes all possible negativity my way, makes the tears flow soundlessly down my face.
i had such high hopes for today. now i'm clinging to rational thought like a drowning man clings to one lonely board in an ocean of nothing but despair. i want to fix this feeling, make it go away, but i'm unsure how. I'm too embarrassed to ask for help -- proud, strong me. how do i even explain when i don't understand either? who would even care to help such a pitiful mess as i?
just breathe, i tell myself. get through this. the sun will shine again in my smile. but will it be soon enough? how do I coerce myself to laugh again when i feel so bleak? where did this black hole of gloom come from, but I don't look too deeply inside. because i don't want to see it any more closely.
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