I do have friends and family who would be there for me if I called in a panic, but I'm not the be-all and end-all for someone. And really, I'm pretty fucking self-sufficient, so none of this will probably even matter. And yet, it does. Now.
Here's where I give myself the first of many pep-talks.
"Suck it up, Buttercup. You're fucking fine. In fact, you're almost living large, 13 days migraine-free and counting." My friends' advice ranged from "start drinking heavily" to "better living through pharmaceuticals." I'm leaning toward the old-fashioned method of aversive conditioning. Yes, I did just add a rubber-band to my packing list. For those unfamiliar with this method, it's pretty fkn easy. Just snap the rubber-band any time you start doing something you'd prefer not to. Also, if you need one in an emergency, they're pretty easy to find, unlike alcohol at 6 am.
I keep hoping that I'll run out of 'firsts' soon. My first business trip alone. My first birthday alone. My first holiday season alone. I may boycott Christmas this year. Don't worry, it won't be in a chickenshit Starbucks kind of way. I'll still wish you a Happy Christmas. I just won't be buying and decorating a tree for Kitten and me.