Friday, July 31, 2015

Scars and more scars

Welp, that doctor's appointment sucked ass.  Apparently I have substantial scarring on my retina from the original tear, the surgery, the bleeding, etc. to significantly degrade my vision.  Plus, I saw photos.  My retina is hideous, and now I have yet another body part to eat away at my self-esteem.  The doc recommended surgery to scrape the scar tissue away.  Yuck and owww.  Now I need to gamble and decide if the gain is worth the (emotional, financial, physical) costs and risk.  I'm getting a second opinion next week.  That should be another barrel of laughs.  Sigh.

The last 24 hours have just been a hat-trick of medical shite: recommended eye surgery, migraine, and more skin cancer.  I'm so sick of all the scars on my body.  And in my psyche.  Not sure which is worse right now.  Can't stop crying, which is definitely not proportional to this news, so I'm thinking it's triggering some old emotional scars.  It feels like every fkn physical scar on my body is in cahoots to make me feel bad about myself today.  And they're working synergistically with every visceral scar to drag me down into darkness.

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