Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Back to the office again today.  So much driving lately for me.  I went out to lunch with the local sales force, and they made fun of the techie geeks we deal with.  Wtf?  Do they not see me sitting right there?  Maybe it was a back-ass-wards compliment that they don't see me as geeky.  Fucking sales people.  :(

I'm still struggling with the concepts of acceptance vs. denial.  I can only think this through a little bit at a time so I don't cry too much at once and fuck up my head with a migraine.  I don't understand the difference between saying there is nothing I can do to change something so I won't think about it AND saying I won't think about it cuz it hurts.  They both feel like denial to me.  I guess the distinction is in how much thought is given.  Perhaps I dwell overly much?  Hahaha, who me?  Maybe I have the wrong definition of acceptance.  Maybe I think acceptance should just feel better.  I envision acceptance as a mental satori.  There I go with my high expectations again.  I need to learn how to lower them.  I hate when I am disappointed because I expected better of someone or something.  Laugh, this may be the first time I've been disappointed by a concept.  =p

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