Class again tonight. I forgot to be nervous until we
started our first lesson. And then I remembered that I sucked at this
and how uncoordinated I am. :(
Our Sensei paired me with the other female there at first who
is almost as lost as I am. But then he decided to switch us around.
He said he didn't like pairing couples together, so she got my
understanding, wonderful Galahad and I got a different guy.
Thankfully he was a sweetie, too. He was very patient and showed me
so many times with different pointers when I'd mess up. The thing is,
I felt like I held him back even though I know I always solidify lessons in
my mind better when I teach them to someone else. Haha, he kept
telling me to do the move more forcefully, and I kept holding back cuz I was
nervous I'd hurt him. I finally got more vigorous, but then I held
back cuz I didn't want to accidentally scratch him with my nails.
I'm going to try this for a few more weeks, but I'm just not sure if it's
for me. I feel so fucking delicate & fragile. It's yet another
contradiction in my life --- empowering and facing my fragility all at once.
Mind over matter. I think I can. I think I can.
:p
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