I was determined not to be sad this Mother's Day. But my niece asked me if I had anything on it with my dead mom's (her grandma's) signature on it. So I started looking through old photos and memorabilia.
And the sadness started. I saw an old family portrait from when I was 5 or 6. Everyone had huge smiles on their faces. Except me. Photographic evidence that I didn't have a great childhood. I found my baby book, which was 99% empty. No one gave a fuck to fill it in, and it got packed away. Blah blah blah, poor me. I saw that I filled out my height and weight when I was 17 and first learned of the book. I'm two pounds heavier now. Of solid muscle. /flex Not sure that two pounds of muscle is worth all the effort I've expended over the years, but at least I can open my peanut butter.
As I was going through old photos, I saw lots of my ex and me in happier times. What is the protocol for dealing with these photos? I removed all of the visible ones in my house, but it feels wrong to throw them away. That was a huge and important part of my life. For now, they're put away but still intermingled with my regular family photos. Because he was part of my family. Sigh, I need a rule book.
As I was going through old photos, I saw lots of my ex and me in happier times. What is the protocol for dealing with these photos? I removed all of the visible ones in my house, but it feels wrong to throw them away. That was a huge and important part of my life. For now, they're put away but still intermingled with my regular family photos. Because he was part of my family. Sigh, I need a rule book.
Mother's Day is a mixed blessing of a holiday. Great for happy families and horrible for dysfunctional or grieving ones. I miss my former mother-in-law but didn't send her a card this year. I've been thinking about her all day, but I feel less ready to see her now than I did a few months ago. What the fuck does that mean? Am I more in touch with my feelings or going deeper into denial? I hope she's doing well.
I mostly kept my sadness to myself because I didn't want to rain on anyone else's parade and ruin their festive family celebrations. I checked in with two of my friends who also had their moms die. And a couple of my siblings. But not all because I didn't have the energy. Also, phones work both ways, fkrs. And they didn't check in with me. I'm sure they're mostly fine. It's been years. I'm feeling it because I had a recent loss, and every loss piles on top of each other like a goddamn emotional snowball.
I decided to make myself laugh and listened to the latest 2 Dope Queens podcast. That worked a treat. Those are some funny mofo's if you're unfamiliar.
I mostly kept my sadness to myself because I didn't want to rain on anyone else's parade and ruin their festive family celebrations. I checked in with two of my friends who also had their moms die. And a couple of my siblings. But not all because I didn't have the energy. Also, phones work both ways, fkrs. And they didn't check in with me. I'm sure they're mostly fine. It's been years. I'm feeling it because I had a recent loss, and every loss piles on top of each other like a goddamn emotional snowball.
I decided to make myself laugh and listened to the latest 2 Dope Queens podcast. That worked a treat. Those are some funny mofo's if you're unfamiliar.
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