Saturday, November 5, 2016

my great adventure

I've had lovers who didn't touch me as thoroughly as that TSA woman.   I was glad I'd been wearing my fancy lingerie.  Because her hands were all down my pants and up my shirt.  Somehow she didn't muss my hair in the slightest.  Probably because she's a professional.  She put her hands inside my socks, for fucks sake.   From the back and then from the front, as if I have talented ankles muscles that could magically move contraband around while she switched from back to front. 

I stood there grinning like an idiot.  Because if I didn't laugh, I'd cry. 

At my gate, I looked for an outlet to charge my phone.  It was very sparse, and some nice dude offered to let me use his battery charger.   I declined because I knew there must be an outlet somewhere.  But it was very thoughtful of him. 

I found one a few gates over and settled in all by myself.   Two minutes later a man and his kid invaded my quietude.   The kid was playing the floor is lava, which is hilarious, except when he's jumping on my seat. 

I finally boarded and ended up next to the nice battery charger dude.   Coincidence or is he following me?   Also, I mysteriously lost my middle boarding card between security and my seat.  I had the one to get on this plane.  And the one with my bag tag, but I couldn't find my connection.  I'll use my phone app if my battery has charge by then.  If I ever leave.   We got called back to the gate because the black-box is broken.  Sigh. 

Forty minutes later and the maintenance man hasn't shown up yet.   Fuck.  I'm hungry and cranky and stressed about potentially missing my connection.   I have no stamina for running.  Especially with a heavy laptop on my back. The flight attendants confirmed that there is only a single maintenance man for that airport.  And this isn't the first time this has happened.  Not even the first time this week.

They're passing out Delay Snacks.   How is that a thing?   Maybe just hire a second maintenance dude or keep your fleet in working order.  

Battery charger guy turned out to be quite an interesting companion.  We talked the entire delay (over an hour) and most of the flight.

Once I deplaned, I ran really fast.  In my mind.  In reality, I was wheezing and huffing but not traveling as fast as I would have liked.  I heard final boarding while I was five gates away.  I tried sprinting again.  The gate didn't get closer.  I almost jumped on a cart but didn't wanna get arrested.   Wouldn't you know they were going to the same place and it was the last fkn gate in the terminal?   I couldn't even speak by the time I got there.  And my hands were shaking so much that I barely could unlock my phone to show my boarding pass.   I was the last person on the plane.  They closed the door as I crossed the threshold, right behind me.  

I had been frantically texting my brother, unsure if I would make the connection.  And because he lives out in BFE, I didn't want him to leave early to pick me up, only to not have me there.  We had a good laugh thinking about the poor luggage delivery driver trying to find his ranch if my luggage missed my connection.  Fortunately, it arrived safe and sound.  My seatmate this leg was also interesting and gave me some geography, history, and science lessons of the area.  I really got lucky.

My brother picked me up outside, and it was as if no time at all had passed since we last hung out.  When in reality, it had been several years.  We went for delicious Mexican food of course, and then back to his ranch.  I was exhausted and fell asleep fairly quickly, after meeting all of his LARGE doggies.

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