Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Quit judging me

Who am I kidding?  No one will ever stop judging me.  It's what we all do.  But I beseech you to stop doing it openly to my face.  And for what am I being judged the harshest?  Being thin.

Am I supposed to whip out my 3rd grade photo showing a gangly, pig-tail wearing little girl and say, "I've always been thin"?  Am I supposed to say that's because I watch wtf I eat, not in an obsessive way (I'm looking at you, bacon for dinner), but rather in a "no, 15 cookies in one sitting is probably not healthy" way? 

When asked if I ever eat, are you expecting me to say no, so you can feel superior?  Pretend I did, and feel superior all you want.  Just please stop being so mean to me about it.  Because you aren't going to like my real answer of yes, all the fkn time because food.

When you come up to me and say I hate you for being so skinny, am I supposed to say, "thanks, I hate you, too"?  What would Miss Manners say the proper etiquette is here?

When I was younger, someone asked my brother how I had such ripped abs.  His answer was fkn priceless, and I love him more every day for it.  He said I party so hard that I puke, that's how.  Of course, that was nowhere near the truth.  The truth was much sadder.  I had migraines so bad then, that I was puking all the time.  Want to try that diet and exercise regimen next?  I can tell you it works.  Nowadays, my abs aren't nearly as ripped, thanks to having the migraines under better control, and I couldn't be more delighted.

Feel superior all you want about everyone.  Just stfu about it to me please.

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