Tried to do an old-fashioned beach day today. Now I
remember why I don't do this much anymore. It was a
gorgeous day, low 70s and not a cloud in the sky. I put on sunblock,
packed snacks and went with a few friends to the beach. I had
sufficient water to stay hydrated and blankets on which to lie.
However, we had no umbrella. And the rental ones can be used only
where they're clustered. Sigh. And, because of parking issues,
we all came in one car. So after an hour or two, I was all sunned out
and ready to leave but couldn't. I moved into the shade nearby and
started to get chewed on by
no-see-ums.
I literally had hundreds on my shirtsleeves. So then I moved even
farther away onto the pavement where the old people congregate.
Meanwhile, all of my friends were in the water having fun.
I was reading a magazine but couldn't concentrate and really started to
feel like a left out freak. Here I was at the beach on one of the most
perfect days of the year, fighting back tears and hiding under my Gilligan
hat. I ate my snacks, drank my water, and read my magazine.
Finally, they were ready to go and were making plans for dinner & movies,
etc. I was so over hanging out by then but somehow felt like I
couldn't say no. Hate that. We all went to our respective homes
to shower & change. I of course grabbed a small snack to tide me over.
In hindsight, I should have grabbed a real meal. It turns out girls
take forever to get ready, and I was way beyond hungry by then and onto a
full-blown migraine. So, I ended up saying no to the rest of the night
and spent a quiet night by myself on meds.
They all said I should have told them I needed to leave, but I didn't
want to ruin their fun. In retrospect, I should have because they were
burnt pretty bad. When did I become such a sissy girl? How much
of a loser am I that I got lonely in the middle of all that humanity and
fun-ness?
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