Tuesday, November 9, 2004

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

I skipped class last night but went tonight since it's more of an exercise and less of a martial arts class.  I almost started crying in the middle for no apparent reason.  My Sensei of course noticed that I looked pale and commented on it.  How embarrassing.  I feel so horrible to be like this, bringing down others, so mostly I just want to be alone.  I've been ditching my guy's company most nights and I know he feels helpless seeing me this way.

Before any of you decide it's clinical depression, please save your suggestions to yourself.  I refuse to see a doctor and take meds for this.  I'm either going to beat this on my own or it's going to beat me, but I'm not going to pollute my body with chemicals when it's my soul that is sick.  I've been trying to boost my hormones a bit with progesterone cream.  That has helped in the past, so I'm willing to try again.  I'm also going to stay the exercise course as that should logically help.

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