Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sunday, July 31, 2005

I had a difficult time putting this in writing until now.  It's still hard but not impossible anymore.  I hate life's path sometimes.  I found out 2 weeks ago that one of my closest friends has stage 4 cancer in her kidney, her lungs, and her bones.  As if that isn't bad enough, she's a breast cancer survivor of about 7 years.   She & I went through our cancer scares at about the same time back then although I always felt hers was much more serious.  Mine was just minor surgery and a visit to an oncologist with some psychological baggage thrown in.  Hers was chemo & the whole shebang.  [For the curious, I'm a melanoma (and basal cell and squamous cell) survivor.  Sounds inconsequential, huh?]

Not to make this about me (when has that ever stopped me before), but it terrifies me that all this time, she was so healthy and out of nowhere, BAM!  It gets me thinking that could happen to me, too.  How do I know that the pain in my leg is truly from sciatica and not from bone cancer?  She kept going to a chiropractor to get adjusted on my advice because I swore that it can work wonders on pain management when one's body is in alignment.  Anyway, please pray for her or wish her well or whatever it is that your spiritual beliefs would dictate. 

I can't stop crying lately, so I broke out the box of chocolate tonight and decided to write.  One or the other should help my state of mind I hope.   This may be a long entry, so please get comfy.  =)

I was away last weekend at my niece's wedding.  She decided to have it in Utah, ffs!  Yeah that should have been a fun trip, except I had this weighing on my mind plus it was a record heat wave.  It's absolutely gorgeous out there, but it was mostly too hot to explore.  It was very nice to see my family again, but a few didn't come --- some out of hard feelings or scheduling conflicts and ffs, Utah is far away and expensive to get to.  Besides all of that, it was organized mostly by her & her husband (sounds so weird to say that :p).  They're free-spirits and that's the way they organized it.  [Btw, he's a fabulous young man, and I couldn't be happier for them. :)]  There wasn't a lot of communication about the weekend, and most of us ended up staying at scattered hotels.  The one that had the group rate was one of the most expensive hotels there, so most of us opted for our own choices.  Also, I wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner, so it was kind of awkward when my other brother asked if I was going.  I wasn't in the wedding, so I figured that was the standard.  Fuck if I know about wedding etiquette.  Long story short, my brother bumps into my sister-in-law at the grocery store that afternoon, and she tells him there is no rehearsal dinner but rather an informal cocktail get-together in the mother of the groom's suite (with no A/C in record heat), and we're all invited.  So we all adjusted our frame of minds and went to mingle.  I chowed down on mini-pizza appetizers and got reacquainted with my family and met some of his.  Some were Mormons.  Do you know how hard it was for me to watch my language for that long?!

At that party, we get directions on how to get to tomorrow's wedding and reception.  We also find out that we're riding a ski lift up the mountain to the ceremony.  FFS, it was the first time I had planned to wear a skirt and high heels in years --- probably since my father's wedding.  :p  Good going, Wendy!  /rolls eyes   Anyway, my niece assures me it will stop so I can get off.  I'm starting to panic and trying not to make this about me.  Haha, good luck, right? ;)  My very first ski lift trip was earlier that day when a freak storm came out of nowhere with wind gusts of 75 mph.  Holy shit, and I'm dangling my little feet down like a doggie treat for the trees.  (I found out later that a man died during that storm while kite-surfing in a nearby lake.  He got tea-bagged across the lake and then across the land.  :()  I also fought my vertigo and general fear of doing stuff that defies Mother Nature's laws of gravitivity & polarity.  (Quick, what movie is that last bit from?)

A bunch of us decide to go out to dinner after this since it's late and most weren't as piggy as I was with the mini-pizzas.   Of course since it wasn't planned, we now have to find a place to accommodate 10 of us, including three little kids who are hungry & cranky.  Fortunately, there are a ton of restaurants nearby.  At dinner, a few other people voice fears & hesitation about the big ski lift adventure.  I finally told myself to grow up and do it and tried to reassure my family members.  I would have hated them to miss the ceremony.

The big day arrives, and I decide to take my shoes off since I have skinny feet and they would have fallen off anyway.  Plus, it didn't seem wise to step off on 4 inch heels.  In hindsight, I was brilliant.  =)  It turns out the lift didn't stop, and by the time I'm yelling at those fuckers to stop it and I realize they aren't, I'm a goodly distance back in the air again.  Yeah, I had to jump down.  In my fucking skirt.  In front of a park full of tourists waiting to ride the bobsled thingie down.  Well, fuck the Mormons and all the religious people there with delicate sensibilities.  I basically screamed HOLY FUCK at the top of my lungs in place of Geronimo and hit the pavement.  Fortunately nothing much was bruised except my pride and my confidence.  I just about started bawling like a baby.  How fkn embarrassing.  :(  So here I am, crying in front of tourists in shorts, trying to hide from the other wedding guests, put my heels back on, and wipe the mascara off my face.  I took a few minutes to breathe again, pushed my shoulders back, and tried to walk confidently on a gdam fkn woodchip path.  The whole time, I am giving myself a lecture of omg, don't be such a baby, and wtf didn't you wear your jeans and Asolos?   Now wasn't such a great time to go with convention. 

I was relieved to see my father's wife had made it up there with her arthritic knee.  They fkn stopped for her.  I also happily noted that my brother, his wife, and their twins (who were starring as the flower girls --- cutest ones ever!) made it safely.  They were very nervous about riding that with their little girls.  The lift also stopped for them.  FKN GDAM LIARS that they don't stop the lift.  It's okay.  I'm not bitter.  :p  Also, the groom's wheelchair-bound uncle made it there as well.  I felt bad watching him have to forfeit some independence to make it across the woodchip path.  A few strong men helped him there and back.

The ceremony was gorgeous, and my niece was stunning.  I am so delighted for the two of them.  =)
Okay, that's enough for tonight and I ran out of chocolate.  :(  Thanks for listening and please, please keep my friend in your thoughts.

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