my happy place

Sometimes I forget to emphasize on here when I enjoy the good stuff.  And I need to remind myself that there are very good times in my life.  Especially when I start to feel overwhelmed by entropy. 

I had such a lovely relaxing kayak trip through the Everglades yesterday.  It was just what I needed to bring me to my happy place. 

And of course, it reminded me that life can be dangerous and unpredictable, even in its beauty.  Here is an alligator I saw napping in the sun.

 

There was a spot farther on where we heard an alligator bellowing a deep primal growl.  I didn't have the wits to record it because my lizard brain was screaming RUNNNNN, or at least paddle faster.  The answering bellow was equally terrifying.  I'm not sure if never seeing them made it better or worse.  

I made it out safely and feeling better than I had in a while.

progress? two steps forward and one back

Yesterday I had my semi-annual full body dermatology scan.  I started to have anxiety but gave myself a proper pep talk on the drive there.  

"You've got this, Wendy.  It's nothing you can't handle.  You've managed it many, many times previously.  You're strong. Your body is strong.  It's gotten you through decades and decades and healed from everything so far.  Etc." 

I started getting teary-eyed the moment the doc walked in and asked how I was.  Ugh. 

My checkup wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible.  However, that's not the point.  I wanted to have more equanimity than I did.  I truly wanted to change my outlook on how I view these appointments.  I failed.  Maybe next time.  Because there's always a next time. If I'm fortunate enough to wake up again tomorrow and the next days.