anxiety is winning the war

It's fascinating how fast my brain can betray me.  One minute, I'm feeling pretty good and relatively content.  An hour later, I have severe anxiety and start wondering what's the fucking point as I spiral into an existential crisis.   None of the facts of my life have changed in that time.  I just look at them differently.

I suppose my goal is to figure out how to change my perspective from "FUCK EVERYTHING" to "Life is Good."  I used to be really good at re-framing and seeing alternate perspectives.  I'm not sure why my brain is going on strike about it now.  And why does it keep insisting to slant to a negative bias?

Jeepers Creepers, where'd ya get those peepers?

I hit an aging milestone yesterday.  I bought my first readers.  For you youngbloods out there, those are the generic magnifying glasses to facilitate reading small print.  I bought a few pair because I hear my friends say they leave them in every room of the house.  I'll see how that works out.

I resisted buying them because I could struggle along.  But I finally asked myself why I was forcing myself to struggle.  Was it vanity?  Ego?  

SPOILER:  It was.

Which is silly, because I don't think any lesser of others who use them.  Sometimes they even look good/sexy/stylish depending on their whole vibe.

I think part of my answer to that question of why I resisted was also seeing this as the beginning of the end.  Another inevitability of my aging and eventually failing body.