pep talk time

I gave myself a major pep talk his morning when I realized I probably won't escape Hurricane Irma unscathed.  I've been stocking up on food and water for the last few months, so I should be fine for that.  But somehow the fear and anxiety were incapacitating me.

Why though?

I put myself back into my memories of many previous storms.  Heard the sounds, felt the magnificent force of the winds.  And realized that while it sucked, I survived.  And I either will or won't this time.  Now, I'm more concerned with the Cat 5 migraine I expect to accompany this. 

Which will make evacuating impossible.  Because driving with a migraine isn't smart.  The pressure already started dropping today, and I felt the first twinges of one.  So, I have two designated safe rooms in my house in case I start losing windows and walls.

I made lists this morning of everything I need to do and what to pack in a bug-out bag.  I'll refine those as new things occur to me.

I took out the cat carrier, which Kitten hates and ran from after one sniff.  I'm not even sure she'll fit well in it anymore.  I may look for a larger one at the store tomorrow.

Yesterday, I photographed most of my belongings in case I need to make an insurance claim.  I have no idea how useful it will be.  Perhaps I can use those pics to remember this phase of my life.  Later this week, I will walk through my home and say goodbye to everything.  It's a good reminder to not get too attached to material things.

I've been trying to use up my perishable food in case I lose power for an extended time.

In a couple of days, when the path is more certain, I will start bringing in my patio furniture.

I can do this.

lonelieness is literally killing you

A male friend sent me an article to read.  It's really long, so I read it in increments when I had time (and attention, but that's another story).  I may have missed some of the author's points, but the gist I got out of it is that loneliness is getting to be an epidemic, especially among young men.  My friend said he related very well to it.

I felt like the internet helped me so much to find the kind of people with whom I could more easily relate -- my tribe, so to speak.  But maybe everyone is substituting online (which isn't as strong) social interactions for in-person, when you connect with the right ones.

I've been feeling lonelier lately when my few real life friends get busy and don't have time for me.  Somehow I feel worse when they go dark and won't say what's going on.  I understand everyone needs time to deal with shit, but it feels as if I'm not trusted enough to be told why or what.  And of course, I get depressed and won't/can't reach out to say anything.

And I very much can relate to the man who said he doesn't feel like making himself vulnerable to 'friends' he's known for years.  Not everyone is the person I want to talk to when darkness swallows me up.  Fortunately for me, I always find one who I can turn to.

Moral of the story:
Hold on tightly to all of your friends.  They're harder than you think to replace, and your life may very well depend on it.