I'm hot

Because my air conditioner broke.

Probably I was supposed to have maintenance done on it.  It's one of the many things that has slipped through the cracks, like my skin cancer maintenance.  I'm sure others will rear their ugly heads at some point.  The good news is that it's not officially Summer yet.  The bad news is that it's unofficially Summer this week, with highs in the upper 80s Fahrenheit.

I called my AC repairman from years ago, and yippee, he's still in business and was able to come out on a Sunday.  The bad news is it's not an easy fix, so he has to come back today.  And he's extremely busy all week, so I hope he can fit me in today.

He's also super nice and asked how we were doing.  Notice the plural.  I explained we split up, and to my horror and embarrassment (probably his, too), I started crying.  It's been three years.  What the fuck already.  He's been through it, too, so he was very kind, but it's uncomfortable when it's a casual acquaintance.  So then he asks what I'm up to work-wise.  Sigh.  I said I'm exploring my options.  So then he said, well at least you're healthy and look great.  At this point, I'm agreeing with him and pushing him out the door before I really start bawling.  I don't feel healthy anymore, but I was in fact, having a good hair day, so I'll take that.  :)

As soon as he left, I started crying harder.   After five minutes, I forced myself to stop so as not to trigger a migraine.  I turned off my phone and decided to binge watch TV.  I put my ceiling fan on high and crawled on top of my bed.  From years of migraine experience, I knew that sleeping with an ice pack on my head can make me cold.  I was on the verge of getting one anyway, so I got the ice pack out and slept fitfully through the night.

I have to keep reminding myself that grief is the price we pay for love.  And I certainly don't want to go through life without love.  Therefore, I'm allowing myself to grieve in small, hopefully non-migraine inducing doses.