shot through the heart

Stop being so dramatic, Wendy. 

It was two shots into my abdomen, nowhere near my heart, and definitely not through it.  But I couldn't find those song lyrics.  :)

My migraine clinical trial has officially ended, and I've learned how to do my own anti-CGRP injections.  Go me!  They're auto-injectors, so all I needed to do was click a button.  They made it much easier than any of my previous sumatriptan injections.  Those require a degree in mechanical engineering to figure out (in the middle of an attack so bad that a pill won't work).  Good luck with that!

Probably I'll inject into my leg going forward, but I didn't feel like dropping trou in my doctor's office when the nurse was instructing me.  They still burn a little but not nearly as much as the clinical trial ones did.  I have no idea why.  I hope this formulation works as well or better than what I've been getting.

I left with two band-aids on my stomach and one on my arm because they took several more vials of blood to see how I'm faring after 5 years.  I'm no longer suicidal from pain and despair, but this most definitely isn't a permanent cure.  I still get up to eight attacks per month with close lifestyle management.

I have more hope these days that maybe I'll grow out of it or discover the magic Wendy formula that allows me to have my life back completely.  Until then, I'm living the best I can, day to day.

surf and turf

I had an unusual dining experience -- eating sushi in an upscale place whilst watching professional bull riding.  I was kinda shocked to see that they had their TVs tuned to this event.  And yet, I couldn't tear my eyes away.  

I was dining with a friend, so of course that was rude.  I made plenty of conversation and would intermittently flick my eyes up to catch the exciting eight (usually less) seconds of adrenaline and fear before they got bucked off.  I had forgotten how much I used to enjoy watching this.  I have no idea why, but I'd used bull-riding in the past to help me fall asleep.  It was soothing somehow, which is completely counter-intuitive.

feeling healthier mentally

Or maybe I mean emotionally.  Oh I still cry at the drop of a dragonfly into my pool.  And I still tear up if someone says something unkind to me.  My emotions aren't lessened, but they feel more realistic now.  Less in the dark, more in the light.  Literally.  Because I'm inspired to open my curtains up more.  (And now I have that Poltergeist movie quote in my head, "Run to the light, Carol Anne."  You're welcome.)

I finished (mostly) the giant de-cluttering of 2018.  I'm still finding small pockets of things I've missed.  However, I've gotten rid of lots of dumb things and hard to throw away things and sentimental things and kinda broken things.  I've replaced what needed to be replaced.  And enjoyed empty space where nothing needed replacing.

It's kind of amazing how physical objects can affect mental clarity.  I've heard people say that for years, but I never understood it inside my heart.  I think it's one of those concepts where one needs to experience it before fully comprehending.   

I'm relearning what my style of decor is, along with my style of Wendy, and just about all of my tastes.  It's kinda weird to start new, yet with greater wisdom and composure.

It's been four really long years, and I finally feel ready to start over with excitement rather than dread.  Wish me luck!