edibles. it's what's for breakfast

Yesterday was a shitshow in Wendyville.  I started with high anxiety most of the night before and woke up to more of the same, even after finally taking a Xanax to sleep.  So, I started my day with edibles and no coffee.  I wanted to slow down my brain not amp it up.

I didn't want to be in my life anymore, and I didn't know how to remedy that.  I have bottles of rum scattered around the house and took swigs as needed for anxiety.  I forced myself to eat a little and then went right back to a higher dose of edibles.  And more rum.  While under the influence of both, I tried to reset my brain and mindset.  

I am a worthwhile person.  

This morning, I woke up in a slightly better headspace.  I showered.  I did dishes.  I did laundry.  And I vacuumed a little.  I'm trying for sobriety today and no anxiety.  Wish me luck!

mourning in the morning

I have a pair of mourning doves who started nesting in one of my outdoor hanging orchid pots.  They did it so much, they killed the orchid.  I almost threw it away, but decided to leave it there for them.  It seems to be an ideal protected nesting place.  I chased them out of my still living orchid hanging nearby, but left them the dead one. 

When I came back from Scotland, one was guarding the nest full time.  This morning I found a dead baby bird underneath, which made me sad.  I left it there, assuming some other animal would grab a meal.

I checked to see if it was gone later in the day, and much to my surprise it was moving!

I scooped it up with an old envelope and pulled down the dead orchid pot.  Mama bird few away, and there was another tiny one in it.  I placed the fallen one next to it and hung it back up.

Mama came back after a few minutes and hasn't kicked the little one out yet.  I had a thought after I'd replaced it, that maybe she did it on purpose because it was sickly.  And here I went getting all Pro-Life on her. 

travel day

I made sure to watch what I ate today, so I didn't have a repeat of my previous painful transatlantic flight.  Yogurt and fruit for breakfast.  

But then I got hungry on the plane and ate all the crap they served.  And I felt fine.  I'm totally blaming that Newark airport food.

not as bad as it looks

best tasting water ever

And sadly, their messaging WiFi wasn't working, so I had to amuse myself for the whole trip.  I had my Kindle and audiobooks, which I interchanged as I got bored.

I managed to get through customs in Washington DC, and get to my gate as it was boarding.  There was a really long line at customs and only four agents on duty for US citizens, so it took close to an hour.  I breezed through with my carry-on bag.  So many people brought back bottles of whisky.  He didn't care about my new coffee mug.

On my flight back to Florida, I had a surprise when I boarded the plane and saw Mike Tyson aboard.  I did a double-take but then quickly looked away, so I wasn't rudely staring.  Everyone behind me wasn't as polite.  They finally had to make an announcement to stay in your fucking seat and quit going up to first class.  People were taking selfies with him and generally bothering him.  If he was half as tired as I was from his previous flight, I'm amazed that he didn't snap like last time some douchebag harassed him on a plane.

last full day

We started the morning with a full Scottish breakfast again.  My last taste of black pudding -- the new superfood.  So sad.  I also noticed that my nose was red.  It probably wasn't the small amount of liquor consumed the night before, so as implausible as it seemed, I had gotten a tinge too much sun in Scotland.  Remind me to pack my sunblock next time!

Then we decided to walk to town and hit the shops to find me a cashmere sweater.  For lunch I ordered local fish and chips.

Here are random photos from in town.

Dinner was venison and lamb burgers, provided by a local stalker.  It turns out stalker there means hunting guide, not creepy guy hanging around too much.  Although, perhaps the animals think of him that way.

another castle

We met some of their friends for coffee, outdoors on a cliff.  Sounds cold and blustery, right?  It was warm, and I was glad I was wearing a t-shirt.  

They have really nice friends.  I think that says a lot about a person -- the quality of their friends.  I learned that Scottish goodbyes are the exact opposite of Irish goodbyes.  We moved three times, closer to the cars, and spent at least 45 minutes saying goodbye.

From there, my friend and I split off and went to see another castle, Tantallon, and its grounds.   No gardens on this one, and the castle was closed again for "renovations" for an unspecified time with no progress made in two years.  It was peaceful to walk the grounds and see the coastline, though.

Tantallon Castle

Home for Wayward Pigeons

We meandered around for a bit and then went home.  I may have had a steak and haggis pie somewhere along the way.

steak and haggis pie

 

We had a celebratory dinner with a mouth-watering charcuterie board and some spirits to finish the night.  I had a few sips of a few bottles.

off to the big city!

We took the train to Edinburgh today.  We had a very frank conversation the night before about my capabilities these days.  It was difficult for me to be so honest about my limitations, especially since she is so vibrant and full of energy.  She kept saying we needed a minimum of six hours in the city, or it wasn't worth the half hour train ride.  I didn't understand that logic and said that six hours in the city was really pushing my limitations.  Yes, I can force myself to do it, but I've learned that future Wendy will pay that price.  I even explained the Spoon Theory to both of them, over a few embarrassing tears.  I don't know why it should be so painful to explain how my body reacts to too much stimuli, but it was.  And I didn't want to hide anymore from one of my closest friends.  It appeared she didn't believe me, which hurt, but we both promised to compromise.  I would push myself, and she said she would be fine with leaving as soon as I needed to.

Before I continue, I want to express how utterly grateful I am that she is my friend and how much effort she and her husband put into making my trip easier and making me feel welcome.  She's not the bad guy here.  It's just another reminder that able-bodied people can't always comprehend what people who live with chronic disorders experience on the daily.  How much thought and planning we go through.  How much anxiety we have about 'ruining' things, if only for ourselves.  How we hate letting people down.  Enough whining, let's go explore the Royal Mile!

My first sight after climbing out of the train station was this eye-catching building.  We didn't go in because I had my most energy for the day and wanted to go walking.

She had been to Edinburgh numerous times with various visitors, so she knew the places to see, especially all of the Harry Potter attractions.  I realized my conversation the night before had put her a little on edge because she was carefully plotting shortcuts and such with her phone map.  I told her to put that away, and we would make the best of it.  She was also extremely stressed out about the train schedules.  Apparently they had been known to cancel later trains without warning and leave people stranded for hours because of ongoing strikes.  I cleared her of any responsibility for that and said I'd be fine taking the bus back as long as I could sleep on her shoulder if need be.  That appeared to relax her tremendously.

We first noticed that parts of the streets were barricaded off, and St. Giles Cathedral was closed to the public.  I saw a friendly-looking police officer standing guard and played up the dumb tourist bit and asked what was going on.  He explained the Order of the Thistle Ceremony and that Prince Charles was inside and due to come out any minute.  We missed the beginning and the crowds.  Not many people waited around for the exit, so we had front row seats to all the pomp and circumstance.  A London tourist was nearby and between the both of them, they explained in detail who everyone was and what they were doing.  It was nice having a running commentary. 

As an American, I'm not particularly enamored of their royalty, but it was still fun to see the hoopla.

Prince Charles

 Not sure why the Sea Lord wears spurs, but there you are.

Sea Lord in feathers and spurs

 

We also got to chat a bit with the highest ranking woman officer in Police Scotland, Fiona Taylor, when she came over to chat with our tour guide.  Do you see all of her medals??

 

After a bit, we went looking for a public restroom.  The easiest way to do that is to buy something at a local pub and use theirs.  My friend wanted to eat and walk, but I much preferred to rest and eat the steak pie there.

Various interesting photos.

Converted telephone booth into ATM

Edinburgh Castle in the background

A few blocks away we stumbled upon the Royal Band preparing to leave after they'd played at the Thistle Ceremony.  Of course we stopped to talk to them and take selfies.

We went through a few touristy Harry Potter shops, taking pics in witches hats and plague masks, before eventually getting back to St. Giles Cathedral, which was now open to the public again.  It was a beautiful place to rest and people watch.

Giant organ (hehe that's what she said)

surprisingly comfortable to chair from which to rest and people watch

We walked to the other end of the Royal Mile to Holyrood Palace, where the Queen was in residence, hence all the heightened security.  Across the street, in front of Parliament, there were a handful of peaceful pro-life protesters because the US Supreme Court Decision of Roe vs. Wade had just been overturned.

Holyrood Palace

We walked a bit more and came across an old cemetery.  I have no idea the significance or whom was buried there, but it was a beautiful sunny day, and it was quiet and lovely to lie back on the grass and rest and chat.

We slowly made our way back to the train station and had a bite and an adult beverage at a rooftop cafe with a stupendous view.  The grilled Scottish salmon was exquisite, and it was a perfect way to end this adventure.  We caught the rush hour train back home but still managed to find the last two seats.

grilled Scottish salmon in miso glaze

I volunteer as tribute

Because I wake up early every morning, I volunteered to walk down to the village and buy them fresh rolls.  I asked for specific directions the night before on how to get there and EXACTLY what to buy (the price, where in the shop it was located, etc.)  They even gave me some of their funny money in case my credit card didn't work.

I excitedly left the flat on a gorgeous crisp morning and headed to the little shop.  This is what met my gaze at 8:30am.

It reminded me of the bare shelves after a hurricane comes through my town.  I got up my courage and asked one of the workers there if they had the specific rolls my friends requested.  It was a comedy of errors because neither one of us could understand the other.  Finally I was pointed to this shelf, right next to the others.  I bought what they had just so I didn't come home empty-handed.

These were NOT the correct rolls, but fortunately I had photographic evidence that I tried.

 

For breakfast I was treated to my very own goose egg!

goose egg next to chicken eggs

I ate my goose egg and my slice of black pudding and was magnificently sated.

After breakfast, my friend and I walked out into the rain and caught the double-decker bus to see Dirleton Castle.  It was mostly closed for renovations, although the real story seems to be lots of places are short-staffed after Brexit.  They use the renovations line as a convenient excuse.  We toured the gardens, walked the grounds, chatted, and caught up on our lives.

We went across the street to have lunch at the Castle Inn.  They had really fun wallpaper inside.

fun wallpaper

We ordered lamb's liver and cullen skink -- and shared them both.  Much to my surprise, cullen skink is a soup that contains no actual skinks.

After lunch, we leisurely walked back along the John Muir Trail.