I've been feeling down lately.
:( Yesterday I had two
people who I considered friends tell me that they couldn't hang out with me
anymore because of my sensitivities. [I was told to "chill the fuck
out".] Apparently, they are fair weather friends who only like me when
I'm upbeat. Yes, I know I'm better off without them if that's the
case, but it hurts to find this out. I hate when I'm naive and don't
realize that. Perhaps they gave it a go and couldn't take me. I
guess I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure how I feel
about the whole matter except sad. One still wants to be friends, but
I'm not sure how to do that. I suppose I will try the civil
acquaintance route. The other appears not to be speaking to me.
Heh, not sure which way is less hurtful. The fucked up part is that I
miss who I thought they were, which may have been only a figment of my naive
imagination.
It's not so easy to be me and to be susceptible to my
sensitive nature. You'd think by now, I would have learned to adjust.
I'm ready to go into hibernate mode and shut off almost everyone until I can
get a handle on my emotions. I finally got the courage to tell Galahad
while we were out in the pool. Well, actually he busted me crying so I
spilled my emotions all over the place.
He recommended the opposite, that I go out and immerse myself with people
& activities. I don't like when I start crying in public though, and
I'm sure it will happen, so I'm leaning away from this. I do have to
travel this week for work, so some of it will be unavoidable.
Plus, I'm debating with myself how to handle this. Do I admit to
them I'm sad? Or, do I put up a front and pretend I'm fine.
Stubborn pride blinds me at times. I know one is the more mature way,
but I can't figure out which one is me. No, they don't read this.
We have mutual friends, but most don't know and I'm not sure what to say
there either. Fuck them, I'm going with the front. I guess I'm
not sad about losing them but sad about losing who I thought they were.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment