can't shake the despair

I am stuck in a rut of despair.  I feel like there's nothing to look forward to ever again.  Logically, I keep telling myself this is probably pandemic related.  But I kinda don't feel that affected by it.  My home and my health are secure.  For now. 

Part of me keeps telling myself that my brain is lying to me and making up false stories.  And yet, those stories feel so real and all-encompassing. 

I have been getting daily exercise, sometimes at the gym with my good friend and sometimes alone, walking in nature.  Both of those should be boosting my mood immeasurably.  And yet...

Here I am, sobbing through the park like a loser.  I've been trying not to sniffle loudly so people don't think I'm infected.  Do I start saying to strangers that I'm not sick with covid, I'm only sobbing my eyes out because life is worthless and will never be joyous again?  Neither of the options appeal to me.