wishy washery

I bought my first major appliance all by myself!  

I had months of anxiety.  And one pre-visit for research purposes.  Today I handed over my credit card.  Delivery is next week.  Fingers crossed that it all works out. 

My dishwasher had been having issues for almost a year.  Einstein tried to repair it for me, but they make them overly complex with circuit boards and blah blah blah, so it was only a band-aid fix.   I definitely appreciated the effort though.  It bought me more time and brought me to a point in my life when my anxiety and stress have gone way down and I'm better able to cope.

A few days ago, it went completely belly up.  I had to wash the whole load by hand.  That was a good motivator to stop being lazy and scared.   I'm not even sure why this was so hard. 

I need to stop telling myself that I don't know how to do these things.  I'm smart.  I can figure out the basics, right?  I guess I'll find out next week if I managed to arrange it all correctly. And if I completely fucked it all up, then I chalk it up to an expensive lesson.

Walking myself through the worst outcome helps to lower my anxiety surprisingly.  Maybe I'll figure this Life thing out before my turn is up.