self compliments are hard

I've been having all kinds of mood swings lately.  I can't tell anymore (could I ever?) if they're migraine-related, hormonal, or general life.  One minute, I'm living my best life, laughing and feeling good, despite all of my problems.  And 20 minutes later, I'm contemplating the meaning of life.  PRO-TIP:  Don't do that.  Ever.

I keep pushing on because I'm not sure what else I can do.  I've been constantly reminding myself of the below Success picture.

I've been able to workout in the gym more often lately, but it comes with a price that is hard to explain to other fitness buffs.  I'm stronger than I've ever been (except for that fucking pickled beets jar the other night that almost defeated me).  However, every time I workout, my brain pays the price, which confuses me.  One the one hand, lovely, lovely serotonin and dopamine boosts.  On the other hand, increased migraine attacks.  FUCK YOU, BRAIN!  Just kidding, I love you.  Don't forsake me!

I joined an online fitness group, which sounds kind of oxymoronic, but it's more for moral support and knowledge transfer than actual group exercises.  I implemented daily exercise challenges, because on the days I don't workout, I need that extra push to do ONE thing each day. 

The current challenge is a week-long emotional fitness exercise.  Many of us struggle with body image, which is rampant in the fitness community.  This week's challenge is to compliment myself every time I compliment someone else.  I've learned two things so far.  I'm very generous with compliments to others, and I'm stingy as fuck to myself.

I look in the mirror and see age, scars and flaws.  When I look at others, I have a much kinder outlook.  I see their Wabi-Sabi greatness.  I see fortitude and resilience instead of scars.  I see a survivor instead of a loser with flaws.  Therefore this week, I'm trying to turn that external eye inwards.