life came at me hard and I flinched

I made a hard choice, but I think it's what's best for my physical health.  It feels like I've admitted defeat.  The jury is still out what's good for my mental health, but probably this is the better way for that, too.

Deep breath.

I lost my job.

There, I said it.

And with the way my health is, I don't feel confident that I can work again.  This migraine clinical trial has been a boon to me, but it's only reduced the migraine attacks from 14 to 8 a month.  That's still a LOT of absenteeism from work.  I looked for comparable job positions, and nothing comes close to how much accommodation I need.

I took this as a sign that I need to put my health first when making life decisions.  Therefore, I applied for disability.  This is harder than it should be somehow and has resulted in 3 migraines so far.  Sigh.  And I'm still at the beginning of the process.

I started crying during my interview.  It was embarrassing.   But I think she understood my pain and frustration.  Fortunately, it was on the phone, so I could continue to silently cry longer than is socially acceptable.

I haven't yet told my friends and family.  Surprise, if you're reading this.  It's not an easy or fun conversation, so I've been avoiding it.  Because I'm tired of being a grown-up lately.

If anyone has any realistic life advice or extra compassion to throw my way, I'd appreciate it.