strength is in my weakness

My strength is in my weakness, or is weakness in my strength?  This almost made sense when I first thought it.  I write down random thoughts as they occur to me, even when I'm half asleep or distracted.  I left it in because it sounds profound.  And maybe it'll mean something later.  :)

I'm having issues with life.

What do I want to be when I grow up?  What if I die of old age before I grow up?  What if I'm too tired to die?

As someone once said, "To die is no great thing.  It is living that requires courage."  I apologize for forgetting the source.  I am constantly reading and learning and absorbing nuggets of wisdom to try to make sense of this nonsensical whirlwind we call life.

I'm hitting some milestones in my life, which feel like the beginning of death.  I'm not scared of death, but it feels like failure.  I'd rather go out on a high note.

Logically, I know I'm making mostly smart choices (for me), but emotionally, I want to scream and cry and hide under the covers.  I've discussed most of my choices with one or two trusted souls (no, my cat doesn't count).  Perhaps I'm self-selecting the people who will agree with my choices.  I'm okay with that, because I've chosen to keep close the people whom I value and respect and let go of others.  It makes for a lonely time when I want to grab a bite to eat, however I keep my imaginary virtual friends in my purse to keep me company.