Waiting for the Interwebs man

I'm about to take another plunge, y'all.  I'm finally upgrading my shitty Internet service.  I tried a few years ago and had such an abominable experience, that I've been clinging to my old service, shaking with fear.  But, it's time.  Technology has come a long way.  So any minute now, he will show up (he called, so I know it's a he) and get me squared away.  Or, I will lose touch with all of humanity and go tail-spinning into a giant depression.  Could go either way.  If you never hear from me again, just remember I had a good enough life and died happy.