Sunday, August 31, 2003

We siesta'ed in our lovely backyard, enjoying the cool breezes blowing in from the approaching storm.  I got brave and asked our friend about his marriage and why it ended.  We talked a lot about partners and finding the right one and how do you know.  I'm a Disney kind of girl, so I believe there is "the one" for everyone.  But how do you know?  And what if there isn't?  Is it wrong to settle for someone close?  Is it better to combat loneliness with someone you're pretty sure won't make the cut or forge on alone with a pet and a string of meaningless affairs?

Out of 6 billion people, what if your "one" doesn't speak your language?  How did I get so lucky to have found mine in my twenties?  What if I'm self-delusional and he isn't my one?  Could we both be delusional?  And if so, would that work anyway?

Maybe you get a chance at your one at certain stages of your life.  So if I had fucked up this relationship with Galahad (which I almost did by the way but that's another story), maybe I would have met someone else who would have been my new "one" in my 30's.  I wouldn't be the woman I am today had I not been involved with and influenced by him.  Therefore, I might be compatible with someone else entirely.  Dunno.  These are the things that plague my thoughts lately.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Happy Birthday to a great friend of mine!!  =)

Because I love her so much, I braved the big bad stores with the nasty children and worse parents to buy her a present.  She is on a restrictive diet that allows no caffeine yet she is a tea fanatic.  I managed to find a bunch of fun flavors and varieties of either caffeine-free tea or herbal infusions.  Remind me to never go to that store again on a Saturday.  Oh the horror!!!  It was worth it though because she loved her present.  =)

And to add to my horror-filled day, she decided to celebrate with a bowling/karaoke party --- as if one isn't white trash enough.  And to seal in the extra special white-trashness, she picked a place down near Davie.  I think I heard more bad Tammy Wynette (is there any good Tammy Wynette?) than I have in my entire life. 

To make matters even better (she said facetiously), most of the people in our party were on restrictive diets.  Well, you know me, Miss i-have-to-eat-every-3-hours.  So, there I was, wolfing down a pizza in front of people who can't eat pizza.  That was so uncomfortable.  I did ask in advance.  I wasn't sure which was ruder, eating in front of them or leaving them to eat alone.  I was told to act natural.  Sigh.

In case you're wondering, my friend is one of the classiest people I know and so far removed from white trash that she finds it fascinating.

Friday, August 29, 2003

Galahad took the day off work to hang with his friend.  They went and had all kinds of fun while I slaved over a hot computer.  My day started off slowly but then kicked into overdrive at about 3:30 when everyone and his brother decided to get things in order before the long holiday weekend.  I ended up working until after 7 pm.   /cry

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Our friend from out of town came to visit today.  He recently separated from his wife, so it's kind of weird for me to not see her, too.  I was talking to another friend of mine (/wave DB) about how sad this was for me, and he pointed out that the relationship was probably over way before then.  It still sucks.  And it makes me lose even more faith in the idea that permanent relationships work.  Mine is still strong (as far as I know), but I want a fucking guarantee that it can last.  I know of 3 different marriages of people close to me that are ending now.  Two of those were 20+ years, and the 3rd was 8.  Shouldn't the 10 year mark offer some kind of assurance?

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

I almost ordered the smoked salmon platter for breakfast but realized I had been eating an excessive amount of salmon lately.  So, the $12 egg mcmuffins won out.  Omg, how do people wake up and function so early?  No wonder everyone has a coffee addiction.  I was up before the sun rose.  That's just not right.  Last night, Galahad said I could call him in the morning if I wanted but I could hear the note in his voice silently begging me not to call so early.  I decided that I wasn't feeling pitiful enough to need a morning pep talk from him even though the migraine was back and the 2 Excedrin didn't seem to be helping.

I popped another Imitrex on the early morning ride to the office at about 8 am.  I was told that I might be riding into the city very early to meet with customers.  So there I was sitting in the office again checking my email and doing routine work at an ungodly hour with a migraine.  The meeting I actually flew in for wasn't until 1 pm.  I was asked to schedule an extra 2 days there for client meetings.  I had a hunch that wouldn't happen, so I scheduled only 1 extra day which went to waste.

I was a teensy bit nervous about the 1 pm meeting as it had a couple of bigwigs in it, and I had to give a presentation of how smoothly knowledgeable I am.  Haha, I'm probably not overly charismatic whilst medicated, in pain, and bags under my eyes.  I put on my lip-gloss and went to town on my vast expertise, faking some serious self-confidence.  Lip-gloss is quite the confidence booster --- more powerful than alcohol in my eyes.  Plus Galahad had just bought me some new power pants.   Black dressy cargo pants -- perfect for the tech professional on the go.

The meeting went well with one small glitch (in my perfectionistic opinion but maybe no one else noticed it).  Then off to the airport to grab a bite to eat and my flight home.

When checking in at the automated kiosk, I was able to change my seat to a window this time.  My head was starting to pound and I was pretty sure I would need the wall of support.  Security wasn't too bad except for the whole "please remove your shoes cuz you might hurt someone with them" thing.  I wonder if I can just fly barefoot next time.  I hate wearing shoes anyway.

I wandered the 17 miles down to my gate, trying to scope out an eatery on the way.  Sad to say that I barely found one I liked with so many to choose from.  A Hawaiian taco stand.  Dunno how they are different but my burrito was kind of tasty.  ;)

As I was people-watching the multitudinous aberrations who frequent the Newark airport, I heard my flight announcing a gate change --- waaaay on the other side of the terminal.  Good thing I'm a light packer and I like to walk.  =)

So off I strut the 38 miles to my new gate where I find out that my flight (the last of the day) has been oversold.  They ask for volunteers to spend the night who will then get a $300 voucher.  Are they fucking crazy?  Apparently their clientele is even crazier as they got their volunteers in about 15 seconds.  The mad rush to board begins.

 I find out that the seat in the row in front of me has been removed for the exit row, so I now have lots of legroom.  Serendipity again! I settle into my seat and try to relax and ignore the fucking banging in my head.  Yeah, you guessed it, it didn't work too well.  I did get lucky with my seatmate.  He is also a tech professional.  We start chatting away.  The Excedrin turned me into quite the Chatty Cathy.  Next thing I know, it's been 45 minutes, and we haven't moved more than 10 feet on the runway.  Sigh.

We finally take off and I remember that tonight is the best night to view Mars in the eastern sky as it is the closest it will be to Earth in 73,000 years.  As luck would have it, I am on the eastern side of the plane so I get quite the view of Mars.  I'm still chatting away with my seatmate.  It's funny what strangers tell each other on airplanes.  It seems to provide some degree of anonymity knowing that one will probably never see the other again.  That enables people to get intimate with their life's details.  I learned a helluva lot about my new friend.  ;)

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

I had to fly to Newark this morning.   With a migraine.  =(   I survived the drive to the airport un-medicated (except for Excedrin) through pouring rain and took an Imitrex as soon as I was at the gate.  I ended up with an aisle seat instead of a window since the plane was full.  I usually try for a window so I can lean against it and relax.  I really needed it this trip as the Imitrex made me sleepy.  I put on my sunglasses and conked right out.  Serendipity!  My seat had those bendy headrests.   =)

/confession
I woke up drooling with a jolt.  Fortunately, I don't think anyone saw.  Gah, how embarrassing.  I freshened up at Newark airport (Doesn't that sound like an oxymoron?) when we landed.   I had thought the salesperson picking me up would be whisking me off to meet with clients.  Nope.  I was rushed back to the office where I checked my email and did routine work.  Glad I flew in early to do that.  /rolls eyes

The Imitrex was kicking in nicely so my head felt much better all afternoon.  It started pounding again at about 4:30.  I wasn't driven to my hotel until 6. 

/rejoice
I stayed at an upscale Hilton where I promptly ordered room service for dinner (horseradish-encrusted sea scallops) and plugged my laptop into the high-speed Internet cable.  Dinner was scrumptious.  Okay, it was better than McDonald's so I was pleased.  I enveloped myself in the big white fluffy robe provided and surfed the Internet, read personal email, and chatted with friends on various instant messengers.

Galahad called me to wish me sweet dreams.  Then off to TV land for this week's Sex & the City.  I surfed a few channels before it started and discovered that the Hilton has free porn.  Who knew?

Off to dream world safely ensconced in my scratchy sheets.

Monday, August 25, 2003

   Past Life Analysis

 Avocado

Sunday, August 24, 2003

They created a feast!!!  Salmon galore!  Plus, I can't believe I've seen my brother three times this week.  I think that's more than I've seen him all year -- no exaggeration.  Yes, we like each other a lot but somehow we don't visit all the time even though we live only about 10 miles apart.

My Galahad accidentally poured uncooked rice into his seasoned sesame seed mixture.  He looked upset that he would have to start over, so I volunteered to pick the rice out.  Hehe, I got it all out grain by grain.  It was quite Zen, and I would do anything to make him happy.  Haha, so that was my contribution to cooking.  ;)

I got slightly domestic today.  I cleaned up the house, did some laundry, and set the table for dinner. 

Btw, today is the 11 year anniversary of Hurricane Andrew.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

My brother stopped by last night with about 20 lbs of fresh sushi-grade salmon.   We decided to have a sushi fest on Sunday where Galahad and my brother's girlfriend would try their hand at making dinner.  Mmmm, I'm salivating already.

Friday, August 22, 2003

I went to visit my brother last night.  Hanging out with him and his big dogs always makes me smile.  He has a giant Tibetan mastiff and a gorgeous white German shepherd.  And his roommate has a beautiful Catahoula.  We laughed & talked.  His roommate stayed for a while then went to have a fight with his girlfriend on the phone.

When I first drove over there, the roommate was out front talking (fighting) with her.  Sigh.  Don't know what possessed him, but he saw me get out of my car and came over and gave me a big hug.  I've known him for 11 years, so it wasn't unusual, but the timing made me suspect ulterior motives or abject obliviousness.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

I woke up with puffy eyes this morning.  I didn't think I cried that much last night.  I wonder if something I ate contributed to it.  Or perhaps I cried more in my sleep.  :(

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

I had nightmares again last night.  For the very first time in my life I knew I was in one, and I forced myself out.  That was a most disconcerting feeling.  I described the falling, flailing feeling between the dream and consciousness to Galahad, and he said it was my astral self breaking through or something like that.  Dunno if I buy into any of that but it sure was bizarre.  And, I was so glad to be out of that dream.  I had a second disturbing dream afterwards -- not as bad but not so great either. 

I remember the very worst nightmare I ever had several years ago.  It was before Galahad moved down here, so we were doing the long distance thing.  Heh, it was kind of before the Internet [/rolls eyes at being so old], so we communicated by phone, regular mail, and lots of visits.  Anyway, I woke up in such terror that I called and woke him up at 3 am.  He must have spent about 45 minutes reassuring me that I was safe.  Holy shit, it was awful.  I think we are both grateful that now I can just snuggle up against him for that reassurance and let him continue sleeping. 

Laugh, I was so worried the next day that he was going to think I was too crazy to put up with.  I'm so very glad he decided my craziness was worth the effort.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I am such a dumbass!

I was doing laundry because that is one of the few domestic activities that I am good at (or so I thought).  I also excel at dishwasher duty because of my l33ty organizational abilities.

This one yellow shirt of Galahad's fucked me all up.  Somehow, I didn't realize it isn't colorfast.  So, now I have a whole load of pale yellow whites.  I tried washing them again with Clorox2 (wtf is that anyway?  Isn't Clorox 1 better?).  After I poured that into the liquid bleach dispenser, I read on the bottle not to do that.  Sigh.  Maybe he won't notice that his t-shirts are pale yellow.

Monday, August 18, 2003

Haha, I just love irrational, annoying customers.  They amuse me.  One today called his sales rep all pissed off that his technical support sucked.  (We were waiting for him to return our calls.)  So, I suck up my pride and call him and email him and try to sound friendly.  The fucker returns my call and tells me he's too busy to talk to me.  So, why the fuck did you just call me, asshole?  Then he talks about god knows what for 5 minutes.  Suddenly, I'm on the phone with Chatty Cathy and I have to feign interest.  It's times like this that it's beneficial to be a woman.  I start with my "isn't that cute?" laugh.  Then, I proceed to my "omg that's so fascinating" hmmm.  He finally hung up with less growl in his voice.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

And the migraine continues...

Today's relaxing TV marathon was Monk.  Watching him makes me feel less freakish.  ;)  I think everyone has some type of OCD to a degree.  For those of you who are confused, this detective has some severe OCD and phobias.  And even though it's a serious matter, it's kind of comical because I think we can all relate just a little bit.

I had a mad craving for Ruffles chips and homemade sour cream dip.  I said no a few times when Galahad offered to go to the store and get some.  But then, I realized I was dehydrated despite drinking lots of water.  I rationalized that I must be having a salt craving so I gave in to it.  =)  Don't you just love rationalization?  ;)  And, omg, I love my Galahad.  He's so sweet.  =))

Saturday, August 16, 2003

Finally my neighbors are gone so we were able to enjoy our pool again.   Yay!  =)

Afterwards, we watched a marathon of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.  It's so funny.  I was having such a good day until I started to get a migraine.  :(  I had thought about going out, but I'm glad I stayed home after all.

Friday, August 15, 2003

 Hunting for Bambi.com

BluePages Depression Information

Thursday, August 14, 2003

I went out with my girlfriend last night to get non-biased feedback on my hair.  I wasn't able to get too much feedback since we ended up seeing a movie, and sitting in the dark isn't conducive to that.  I did catch one man eyeing me on the way in though.  ;)  Hehe, no idea if it was because I looked good or because I looked freaky.

We saw Pirates of the Caribbean.  I loved it!!  Johnny Depp looked very sexy despite his gold teeth and dreadlocked hair.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Getting my hair done today.  I'm feeling eccentric and going more burgundy with a smidgen of blonde.  Ack!  I had a lot cut off.  I think it came out okay though.  My hairdresser's husband didn't recognize me after I was all finished.  I took that as a good sign since I looked like some freak during the process.  I had aluminum foil sticking out like a paranoid geek.  =p

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

   The Death Clock

The Henna Page

Monday, August 11, 2003

I got a bizarre phone call tonight.  It was from one of my credit card companies asking if I had just charged $5,000 to a charitable organization, Network for Good.  When I said, ummm wtf?, they then asked me if I had spent $30 at a gaming store today.  I said I hadn't used this particular credit card in months and in fact still had it in my possession.  Since I am suspicious by nature, I was trying to figure out if this call was a scam.  I was trying very hard not to divulge personal information, but the $5000 shock value penetrated my barriers temporarily.  Isn't that silly?  Every credit card I have ever had says a person isn't liable for fraudulent charges past the first $50.  Yet, I still freaked that I might have just donated $5000 to a questionable charity.   The man seemed to have a lot of my information correct, so I am assuming it was a legitimate call.

I am guessing a hacker got my number from the credit card company's database.  Otherwise, I have no idea how my number was obtained.  I am glad I use reputable (who call and verify) companies for my credit cards.  I remember Discover Card called me once for a large purchase that I actually did make.  I was impressed then as well.  I have since canceled that account since they pissed me off on another matter though.  ;)   Plus I'm in my simplify everything mode.  I'm down to 2 credit cards that I use and one apparently that hackers use.  =P  And, I'm one of those weird folk who pays the balance every month.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

We watched some weird sci-fi movie named Final.  It was good but very different.  Another lazy, rainy day. 

I caught up with my brother in California telephonically.  We talked for about an hour.  He still gets personally offended that I don't like to speak on the phone much.  Why can't people accept me as I am?  He had a small scare that he thought was skin cancer but turned out not to be.  Then, he said he started to understand what I've been going through all these years.  Haha, I laughed even harder when he was shocked that I had melanoma.  Laugh, did he think I got all stressed out from non-fatal shit?  Hehe, okay, I guess I do get stressed out from the non-fatal ones, too.  But, the melanoma scared the bejeezus out of me. 

I'm glad my brother is fine, but I hate that judgmental tone he gets in his voice.  I suppose we all judge others based on our own thoughts, ideals, and perceived reactions.  I just wish more people would try to put themselves in someone's else position and consider all facets before passing swift judgment.

Saturday, August 9, 2003

A nice lazy, rainy Saturday.   We watched Double Whammy, ate tortellini Alfredo, and relaxed.  The second feature was Cowboy Bebop, the movie.  It was good but kind of disturbing.  Then off to bed after such a long day.  ;)

Friday, August 8, 2003

Isn't this heartbreaking?  It's more heartbreaking when you realize this really happens.  So many people shouldn't be having kids.  :(  The poor kids grow up thinking they are to blame.

Till Death Do Us Part

Thursday, August 7, 2003

Work is kicking my ass this week, and it just got worse.  One of my colleagues gave his 2 weeks' notice.  :(  I am going to miss chatting with him, miss getting his expert advice and help, and have to cover part of his area.  It originally used to be my area back when we weren't so busy.  I hope I don't get all of it back.

I still love my job though.  Hehe.  I just have to remind myself to focus on the positive and work at my pace without getting stressed.  Laugh.  That's like the secret of the universe.  Find a way to not let the stress weigh me down.

Wednesday, August 6, 2003

I woke up feeling awful.  :(  I called Galahad at work and whined.  That helped a little bit.  ;)  I couldn't stay vertical for more than 1 minute at a time, so I made breakfast and took meds in stages.  Fortunately, we had one more movie that he rented -- About a Boy.  I curled up on the couch and watched that until the meds worked.

After that, I was so busy at work and worked straight through lunch, almost until 7.  The meds helped though and I felt much better all day.  :)

Tuesday, August 5, 2003

After a stressful work day, I was able to relax in the company of my lovely Galahad and his cousins.  We took them to dinner and a movie.  But not just to any theater ---  we took them to The Palace!  Haha, when we were driving them through Boca to get there, their first comment was "It looks like Disneyworld here."  [Laugh.  I always say that to my brother when he talks about how shitty it is (people-wise) here and that he wants to move.  I remind him that we live in Disneyworld and he'd have culture shock anywhere else.]   They were flabbergasted at the quality of the theater, the restaurant, the sound, the seating, etc.  She was my favorite of all his many cousins cuz she was skinnier than me when we met.  :)  I think we're probably about the same size now since she's grown into a woman since then.

Anyway, we saw Seabiscuit.  I read a kid's version of the story when I was 8 or 9, and the title always stuck in my head --- Come on, Seabiscuit.  I started to get so weepy at the message of the movie.  It's kind of been my motto in the last few years of my life.  Don't throw away a Lamborghini (or racehorse) because of a few dings.  It was an excellent movie and gave more background to the story than the kid's version.  I was trying not to cry too much because I didn't want to embarrass my guy in front of his family.  Laugh.  I was able to blink away the few tears that surfaced and dab them with my linen napkin.  Yes, I said linen napkin.  Hehe, we brought in the rest of our dinner when the movie started.  This place has loveseats and large arm-trays to put plates and glasses on.  I accidentally swallowed 2 lemon seeds in my water glass.  They slurped up through my straw.  Oops.

Afterwards, his cousin said she got a little weepy, too, so I didn't feel so silly.  :p  It was a beautiful story and an enjoyable evening.

Monday, August 4, 2003

Turns out Indian food may not be for me.  I had nightmares all last night.  Nothing more was on my mind than usual so I'm attributing it to the food.  =p 

Speaking of the usual disquietude on my mind, I found another suspect spot on my face.  :(  It's about 2 millimeters away from the scar I have from a little over a year ago (Happy Valentine's Day, Wendy, here's a new scar for you).  I'm guessing it's related, but I can't say for sure.  It's way in the early stage so I'm trying my new cancer cream on it.  Who even knew this existed?  My dermatologist gave it to me last time I was there for a different suspect spot that seems to be not so suspect now.    In case you're curious how that can happen, some of the lesser forms of skin cancer look like shiny pink scar tissue at first.  Laugh, I'm starting to have trouble keeping up with all of my scars.  Yes, I know they're all tiny, but I still don't like them.  And before you weep yourself into a stupor, remember that I tend to overreact on these things (scars I mean), so I probably don't look as bad as you might guess.  In fact, I think only 2 are noticeable without being pointed out.  But, I notice them.  :(

Yeah, I know, look at how much fucking character I'm building.  I think I have enough to last me through my next few lives.

/wave to my new friend DB who said he would come visit  ;)

Sunday, August 3, 2003

I tried an Indian restaurant again for the 2nd time ever.  It was way better than the first.  Omg, I fell in love with lamb korma.  So yummy!  The restaurant is right near a Buca di Beppo's, which I detest.  [The atmosphere sucks and the food isn't much better.]  We enjoyed a spectacular dessert (no idea what it was, I asked 5 times and just can't get my mind around the language).  We actually ordered both -- one was little pastry balls in a sweet sauce (kinda like bread pudding consistency) and the other was some cheese conglomeration with pistachios.  Scrumptious!

While walking back out to our car, an old friend of mine drove by (my former sushi buddy from work) and hailed me.  We chatted for a few to catch up.  Hehe, she asked me where I had eaten and looked relieved when I said the Indian place.  She then launched into a diatribe about how god-awful Buca's is. 

The occasion was visiting with Galahad's cousin.  Haha, I heard some great stories. =)

Saturday, August 2, 2003

Today's movie was Star Trek Nemesis.  Yeah, I know, who gives a fuck?  Laugh, apparently Galahad likes it, so I humored him.  He's sat through enough girly-nonsense movies with me.  Haha, I was goofing on it the whole time.  Before it started there was a warning for 1 (ONE) sexual content scene.  Hehehe, I kept waiting for the good scene.  It was such a non-event that I didn't realize it until it was over.  I guess the movie was entertaining, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it.

I suppose I'm not as big of a geek as I previously thought.  :p

Friday, August 1, 2003

Haha, welcome to the new millennium.  Last night, instead of going clubbing or hanging at a bar, my friend & I went to the giant Barnes & Noble.  I even splurged and had a hot cocoa instead of my usual water.  :)  We sat and goofed on people and picked out outfits we liked on people.  She was worse off then me mood-wise so it was beneficial for both of us.  We spoke of serious stuff, too, but not so much on my side cuz I didn't want to start crying in front of everyone.